‘IT’S SO HARD ON MY OWN!’

As her ex-boyfriend Arthur Collins’ crim­i­nal trial comes to an end, brave new mum Ferne McCann is feel­ing the strain af­ter wel­com­ing their baby daugh­ter Sun­day – yet she’s de­ter­mined to go it alone…

Reveal - - Reveal Celebs - Kelly Jenk­ins

Ferne McCann never had the fairy­tale preg­nancy that most mum­sto-be dream of… be­cause, just days af­ter find­ing out she was ex­pect­ing, her boyfriend was the tar­get of a na­tion­wide manhunt af­ter 16 peo­ple were in­jured in a hor­rific acid at­tack.

While Ferne, 27, is be­sot­ted with her new­born daugh­ter, Sun­day, she’s also dis­cov­er­ing that life as a sin­gle par­ent is tough – and the first two weeks of moth­er­hood have been emo­tional and drain­ing for her.

‘She is re­ally strug­gling to cope with the emo­tional strain of be­ing a new mum,’ says a source close to Ferne. ‘She feels she has to prove to every­one that she can do it on her own, with­out a man in her life.’

Along with the sleep­less nights, con­stant feeds and nappy changes that all new mums ex­pe­ri­ence, the ex-TOWIE star is bat­tling ad­di­tional stress.

Baby Sun­day’s dad, Arthur Collins, has been on trial for the past three weeks, ac­cused of in­jur­ing club­bers with cor­ro­sive acid at an east London night­club.

Last week, the court heard how Arthur, 25, al­legedly launched the acid across the dance floor be­cause a fel­low club­ber showed him ‘dis­re­spect’. He de­nies the charges and, as Re­veal went to press, the jury was still de­lib­er­at­ing its ver­dict.

PUTTING ON A BRAVE FACE

Ferne ended the re­la­tion­ship as soon as Arthur was ar­rested, which means she has faced her whole preg­nancy alone – and friends say she’s found it tough.

‘Ferne is com­pletely be­sot­ted with her baby, but she’s con­stantly break­ing down in tears and com­pletely ex­hausted, emo­tion­ally and phys­i­cally,’ says the in­sider. ‘She says she’s never felt so iso­lated, be­cause she has no­body there for her in the mid­dle of the night to share the pre­cious mo­ments.’

Yet, strong, proud and de­ter­mined to make the best out of a tough sit­u­a­tion, Ferne has been sol­dier­ing on.

She’s been show­ing off baby Sun­day on In­sta­gram. Look­ing ev­ery inch the ca­pa­ble new mummy, the TV pre­sen­ter pro­tec­tively cra­dled her gor­geous new daugh­ter in her arms, ten­derly kiss­ing her fore­head.

‘I thought today would be the per­fect day to tell you her name,’ wrote Ferne. ‘Meet Sun­day. Wel­come to the world, my lit­tle dar­ling. I’m so in love and burst­ing with pride.’

What­ever Ferne has set her mind to in life, she’s done it with pas­sion and vigour. She won the ti­tle of Miss Es­sex in 2012 and went on to be­come one of TOWIE’s best-known faces, de­spite not join­ing the ITVBe show un­til se­ries nine. Ferne then wowed au­di­ences on

I’m A Celebrity… in 2015 and went on to be­come a suc­cess­ful TV pre­sen­ter, host­ing seg­ments of ITV’s This Morn­ing and ap­pear­ing in a stage pro­duc­tion of clas­sic novel The Great Gatsby.

Want­ing to be just as suc­cess­ful as a new mum, Ferne is pil­ing pres­sure on her­self.

‘It’s so dif­fi­cult for her, do­ing it alone, and she has panic at­tacks about do­ing ev­ery­thing per­fectly,’ says our source. ‘She’s be­ing re­ally hard on her­self and feels the pub­lic are wait­ing for her to fail.

‘Ferne is so de­ter­mined to do ev­ery­thing her­self that she’s re­fus­ing [the help of] nan­nies and babysit­ters and feels she has to prove she can be a great mum.’

Yet the pres­sure to be per­fect is tak­ing its toll on tired Ferne.

‘The first two weeks of moth­er­hood have been re­ally tough for her – it’s been much harder than she thought,’ adds the source.

‘She’s com­pletely in love with baby Sun­day and feels ex­tremely blessed, but she’s also the most vul­ner­a­ble she’s ever been. Every­one around her is amazed at how great a job she’s do­ing, but she’s her own big­gest critic.’

IT’S A MAN-FREE ZONE

When we in­ter­viewed Ferne in March last year, be­fore she met Arthur, she de­scribed her per­fect man as ‘kind, car­ing, con­sid­er­ate, loyal and charis­matic’.

The re­al­ity TV star added, ‘I know it’s hard to find all this in one guy, but I just want some­one who gets me – that I can have fun with.’

Now, as Ferne em­barks on moth­er­hood alone, ro­mance is way down the list.

‘Dur­ing those mid­dle-of-the-night feeds, she feels re­ally lonely, like she has no­body to share those pre­cious, in­ti­mate mo­ments with the baby,’ adds our source.

‘The hard­est part for her is not hav­ing a man by her side, to help her through the in­evitable stress and emo­tion that be­com­ing a mum for the first time brings.

‘She des­per­ately misses a man’s com­pan­ion­ship in her life – even more so now she is go­ing through such mas­sive change and up­heaval.

‘But, at the minute, Ferne’s self­con­fi­dence is low. She keeps say­ing, “No man is go­ing to walk into a sit­u­a­tion like this, with a young baby, and me feel­ing and look­ing like this.”

‘Every­one wishes she’d go easier on her­self – she’s a great mum, and any guy would be lucky to have her.’

Ferne’s ten­der im­age of baby Sun­day

She wants to be the best mum there is… Friends reckon tired Ferne’s self­con­fi­dence is low P1

MUM’S THE WORD … but the pres­sure is get­ting to her

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