DEAR BEL
I AM 26 and gay. Within weeks of graduating (modern foreign languages) back in 2012, I took a parttime job in a supermarket — far from the graduate lifestyle I anticipated.
But I took the job because I’d been away a lot from my partner of six years and wanted to live with him. However, with him still a student, me working part-time (minimum wage), and living in a dingy flat, cracks in our relationship soon began to appear.
After around 18 months, I told him I no longer loved him. Looking back, I feel I threw the wrong part of my life away and it was my work life that was contributing to my unhappiness; feeling trapped and having no success in the competitive graduate job market.
Four years on, I’m still working for the same supermarket chain, but am now a department manager. With a larger salary (though still far from well paid) I’ve treated myself to a small sports car.
I’ve also met a new man — we’ve been together nearly a year. He’s funny, kind, sexy and confident, like nobody I’ve met before, and we’re in love. My new partner recently gained a promotion with better hours and a bigger pay packet. I already fret that he has more savings, so will eventually get bored with me.
The main issue is my envy destroying our relationship. It’s relevant that we are from very different backgrounds and he once had a drug problem. My feelings on drugs are pretty black and white — they’re wrong.
It’s how I was brought up and my outlook is unwavering. Addicts can attempt to blame their addictions on various failings, shortcomings or plain unfairness in their lives, but for me everyone has a choice in life.
I have always considered myself older than my years with a mature, adult outlook on life. But to now be with someone a year younger, who spent much of his past nothing more than a drug-addled loser and yet now is progressing in a role where I am floundering just feels unfair. I rage inside.
I have always suffered with lack of confidence and find it hard to be authoritative. So I cannot see a progression past my current role if I stay with this company.
With insufficient training I’m drowning in tasks I cannot fix. The job market seems only open to those who can argue the loudest and are innately ruthless.
I don’t want to throw away this new relationship as it has been a long time since I felt this way about someone. Similarly, I don’t want to make the same mistake again and torpedo my love life for the sake of an unhappy work life.
TONY