The 3Ms that are key to help us to prevent fights in school

WE HAD a fight between two boys in school last month. Arrrgh! What have I just said? I can feel an Estyn missile homing in on me right now (some of their inspectors do read this article); hordes of parents will be rushing to call other schools, in order to find alternative places for their children; I’ve just demolished all the hard work we’ve put in over the last few years in one simple sentence. There was a fight in our school.

I remember some years back when I was a deputy head, being reprimanded by my headteacher for admitting, during a presentation to prospective parents, that “sometimes we have fights in school”.

He only heard that part of the sentence and it was enough for him to blank out everything else I went on to say, which was this: “We work with 900 young people, they are adolescents and therefore emotionally charged.

“They will have disagreements, arguments and occasionally fights.

“What is important, however, is the way we work to prevent this from happening, and if an argument or fight does break out, how we ensure it is nipped in the bud as quickly as possible.”

I was trying to be honest with the parents; by explaining that all schools will have fights between students occasionally, but not to worry because we do a lot to prevent them in the first place and if they do happen there is always enough supervision around to stop them quickly.

I couldn’t have admitted to this a few years ago, there were fights every day, when the school was at its lowest point and there are many media articles out there to back it up.

The whole community was on a high state of alert when it came to Eastern High and it was justified.

Thankfully we’re back to normal now which means, although they’re infrequent, fights can happen.

This particular one was the first since moving into our new building in January and I think the first since around October, so not too bad.

This particular fight lasted a few seconds and was quickly broken up, by staff on duty at the time.

It was between two boys and so the situation was resolved quickly and won’t reoccur.

Girls (this is where I become unapologetically sexist) are another matter!

If two girls have a fight, it is broken up quickly, but (I feel I need to say “generally speaking” at this point, but I don’t want to!) the repercussions go on for what feels like years.

On top of this about 600 other people become involved and the whole internet breaks down with the huge increase in “who said what about who” stories. So, what do we do about fights? As I’ve mentioned earlier, it’s not only about dealing with fights when they happen but creating an ethos that reduces the possibility of fights, or if they do happen, having systems to resolve the conflict.

I like to divide this into three areas I call the 3Ms (or 5Ms depending on how you look at it).

1. Making and maintaining good relationships.

For example, around the school we encourage staff to:

Model behaviours and relationships you want to see;

Greet students and try to know as many names as possible;

Show interest in what students are doing and in their progress;

Remind them of appropriate behaviour (in a non-confrontational way) that shows you care;

Accept and/or admit when you, the member of staff is wrong;

If something has gone wrong, there is a fresh start the next day;

Maintain unconditional respect for students; they are young they will make mistakes – challenge inappropriate behaviour, but accept that it may happen; Actively support and refer on where appropriate; Be accessible and responsive to need; and Keep in close contact with home. There are other things we encourage staff to do in the classroom, but the above refers to staff behaviours around the school generally.

2. Managing relationships if things begin to go wrong between students. Around the school we ask staff to: Approach calmly with a calm voice. (If you run to a fight, 50 students will follow you);

Defuse the situation calmly. If necessary staff are permitted to use physical intervention if there is a risk of injury; however, we make it clear that the member of staff must not put themselves at risk. It’s a difficult one to call. In the heat of the moment a member of staff will jump in to stop a fight and can be injured or worse as has happened, thankfully infrequently, across the UK;

Help those involved make sense of what is going on by reflecting the feelings underlying their thoughts, words and behaviour; and

Disperse “the audience” calmly but effectively.

The key word in that last point is “calm”.

Interestingly, in my own experience when you see two pupils in a heated argument, if you begin to approach and move in between, they will often go for each other physically.

I may be wrong, but I suspect this is because they can show bravery in front of their friends, knowing that the fight will be stopped before it begins.

No one ever really wants to fight.

3. Mending and/or moving on relationships when they have broken down.

We place great store on the power of good restorative discussions and conversations.

This can often be between the two protagonists or with groups of friends and even families.

Restorative meetings can be formal or informal.

They are designed to let both parties understand how each party felt, how they were affected and how others were affected.

In almost all cases this ensures incidents are either resolved and the students can go back to being friends, or resolved, but the students agree to go their separate ways with no repercussions.

Finally, when your child comes home and describes the fight they saw at school that day (as my children often would), don’t fret that the school is suddenly going downhill. It can happen. What is important is that it doesn’t happen often and when it does it’s quickly and effectively dealt with.

Now, just how many of you while reading this, reminisced about the fights you watched or took part in school? Shame on you!