Start and matchsticks Oscars from home

WHAT DRINKS SHOULD YOU DRINK?

Red Bull, freshly-ground coffee. More Red Bull. NB: Remember to schedule lots of toilet breaks.

WHO WILL MAKE THE MOST POLITICAL SPEECHES?

Meryl Streep is one to watch. At the Golden Globes seven weeks ago she spoke of her heartbreak that Trump had mocked a disabled reporter. Trump responded by describing her as “overrated”. Will she go after Trump tonight? We can but hope.

Nominees Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Michael Shannon and Natalie Portman have all spoken about the President. Lin-Manuel Miranda, creator of the hit musical Hamilton, and a nominee for Moana, said in the Hollywood Reporter this week: “It’s a political time, so I imagine the Oscars will look exactly like your Twitter or Facebook feed. Why should we ignore for three hours what we’re talking about 24 hours a day?”

Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel knows there might be political speeches: “Some of the best Oscar speeches ever have been political. And sometimes they’re annoying. So I think it depends on what’s said, and who’s saying it.”

HOW TO PULL AN OSCAR SICKIE?

Tough one, this. Your line manager isn’t stupid, despite appearances. He or she will know you’ve been up until 5am watching. Best to struggle heroically into work and spend the day with your head resting lightly on your keyboard. If you’re unemployed or retired just rest that head on the pillow.

THE FASHIONS

Little point in asking a bloke about this. But, since you’re asking: expect lots of Chanel, Armani Prive, Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Calvin Klein. Oh, and Dior. Can I go now?

Fences, starring Denzel Washington and Viola Davis, is a strong contender for Oscar glory