Mushy pears – a match made in hell

Sunday Herald - - EDITORIAL & LETTERS - By Su­san Swar­brick

It’s been a good week for … dress codes

A SWANKY mem­bers’ club has un­veiled a new set of sar­to­rial rules that guests will have to fol­low if they want to get past the door­man. Derek Blas­berg, who is over­see­ing the re­vamped dress code at Annabel’s in May­fair, has made it clear that cer­tain faux pas won’t be tol­er­ated.

Firmly on the veto list: “Cheap, ill-fit­ting suits. Denim that is ho­ley or deemed dis­tressed. Shoes that women can’t walk in. Hats at night. Sun­glasses at night, even if they’re pre­scrip­tion.

“Nip­ples on women. Nip­ples on men, es­pe­cially. Dirty fin­ger­nails. Cargo pock­ets. Spikey hair. Men in shorts. Women in shorts. Ex­posed bra straps. Vis­i­ble panty lines. Sports bras.”

Sur­pris­ingly, train­ers – long the scourge of bounc­ers ev­ery­where – will be per­mit­ted, al­beit on the strict premise that they “should not look like they’ve ac­tu­ally been used to play sports”.

The big­gest style crime? Cou­ples who dress to match, which Blas­berg finds “an­noy­ing and gim­micky”. Think Brit­ney Spears and Justin Tim­ber­lake’s dou­ble denim dis­as­ter. The reti­nasear­ing black leather Versace jump­suits of Vic­to­ria and David Beck­ham in their hey­day. Or mid­dle-aged cou­ples in iden­ti­cal North Face jack­ets pot­ter­ing around Waitrose.

It’s been a bad week for … first-world prob­lems

We have of­fi­cially reached peak ridicu­lous if a new poll on the top “first­world prob­lems” in mod­ern Bri­tain is to be be­lieved. Re­searchers work­ing with a be­havioural psy­chol­o­gist from Gold­smiths, Univer­sity of London com­pared the triv­ial wor­ries re­ported to­day with those faced by peo­ple now aged 50-plus 20 years ago.

A sur­vey of 2,000 peo­ple aged 18-70 said they fret­ted most about wait­ing in all day for de­liv­er­ies, for­get­ting pass­words, leav­ing their phone at home and not hav­ing free WiFi.

Back in 1997, hav­ing a happy re­la­tion­ship, earn­ing enough to pay the bills, af­ford­ing a hol­i­day and get­ting on the prop­erty lad­der ranked as the lead­ing con­cerns.

Per­haps the most un­set­tling trend is that one in three peo­ple de­scribed ex­pe­ri­enc­ing what has been dubbed “av­o­cado anx­i­ety” about the pop­u­lar brunch food be­ing ei­ther too hard or over­ripe.

Get a grip, Goldilocks.

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