DEAN GAFFNEY DOUBLE GETS MARMITE JAR STUCK ON HIS BELLEND

A MAN who is a dead ringer for former EastEnders actor Dean Gaffney last night told of his horror at getting a jar of Marmite jammed on his BELLEND!

Kinky Alan Garside, 32, freely admits he can become “quite experimental after too many ciders.”

But the single lathe operator from Godalming, Surrey, pursued a perversion too far when he introduced his erect member into a small 125g jar of the gloopy yeast extract spread. LOVE IT OR LOATHE IT: Actor Dean is face of Marmite

He said: “At first it was very pleasant as the viscosity of the Marmite made for quite a ‘ tight’ experience.

“But then it started to warm up and run into my chap’s eye, which I didn’t like at all.

“When I had done, and I tried to withdraw my stiff pecker, I found it was jammed fast.

“The edge of my bobby’s helmet had become wedged under the rim of the jar.

Swelling

TUB- HUMPING: Hapless Alan got

cock caught

“I tried to yank it off but that didn’t help. Quite the reverse, in fact. It just worsened my predicament.”

Faced with the shame of going to his nearest A& E with his member- in- Marmite- jar mishap, Alan pressed a bag of frozen peas on his engorged manhood to shrink it down.

He told Sunday Sport: “That worked, thankfully. But now I think I have frostbite on my shaft.”

Alan said he wanted to speak out about his heart- stopping incident to warn other sex experimenters of the potential hazards of Marmite fun.

By coincidence, Alan’s lookalike Dean Gaffney is currently starring in a Marmite advert.

However, there is no suggestion whatsoever that Mr Gaffney has ever had sexual relations with Marmite – or, for that matter, any other yeast- extract product.