SEX WITH DESK FAN COST ME MY BEL­LEND

READER PIC BRIAN’S DRUNKEN DARE DIS­AS­TER

Sunday Sport - - NEWS - By BAR­NEY SA­MUELS news@ sun­daysport. co. uk

IT seemed like a good idea at the time…

Em­bold­ened by sev­eral glasses of home- brewed cider, am­a­teur an­tiques dealer Gavin Pat­ter­son de­cided it might be a good wheeze to feel the whack of a DESK FAN blade on his semi- tumes­cent mem­ber.

Un­for­tu­nately, back in the 1920s when his an­tique Vic­tor Brand fan was made, the de­sign­ers did not have 21st cen­tury per­ver­sion in mind.

And so when un­wed Gavin, 31, slipped his cock through mea­gre safety cage sur­round­ing the rapidly- ro­tat­ing metal blades, the re­sult was in­evitable – and bloody.

Gavin, who lives in Stoke- on- Trent, Staffs, winced: “There was a sick­en­ing ‘ schlock’ sound and blood sprayed all up the walls. For a split sec­ond I was like a spec­ta­tor.

“I saw the end of my willy drop on the ta­ble and be­cause I was so drunk, I didn’t feel it for a mo­ment.

“Then the pain came – and the hor­rific panic that I’d sliced the end of my cock off by stick­ing it in a desk fan.

“Then I re­mem­ber a huge rush of agony, scream­ing… and that was it un­til I woke up in hos­pi­tal.”

Sev­ered

Medics said later that Gavin could eas­ily have bled to death had his screams not been heard by neigh­bours, who broke down the door of his flat and called an am­bu­lance.

Quick- think­ing Ge­off El­liot gin­gerly picked up the sev­ered bel­lend and packed it in some frozen peas from Gavin’s fridge.

The dis­mem­bered mem­ber was taken with Sec­re­tary Har­riet, from Mid­dles­brough, said: Gavin to the hos­pi­tal where it was skil­fully reat­tached by sur­geons. Gavin now has an ag­o­nis­ing five- week wait to see if re­con­struc­tive surgery has worked.

He said: “I owe Ge­off a drink – or three. But as for my­self, I’m off the booze.

“When you chop your own cock off with a desk fan, it’s time to re­assess your drink­ing.

“But I think I’ll just have a small one right now – only to steady my nerves, you un­der­stand.”

Gavin had bought the fan for £ 1 at a car boot sale and planned to sell it on the craft/ over­priced tat web­site Etsy but now he’s had a change of heart.

He said: “It’s gone in the re­cy­cling. I’d hate for any­one else to suf­fer what I’ve been through.” SCREAMS: Gavin passed out from the agony of stick­ing his cock in spin­ning fan ( in­set)

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