SEX WITH DESK FAN COST ME MY BELLEND
READER PIC BRIAN’S DRUNKEN DARE DISASTER
IT seemed like a good idea at the time…
Emboldened by several glasses of home- brewed cider, amateur antiques dealer Gavin Patterson decided it might be a good wheeze to feel the whack of a DESK FAN blade on his semi- tumescent member.
Unfortunately, back in the 1920s when his antique Victor Brand fan was made, the designers did not have 21st century perversion in mind.
And so when unwed Gavin, 31, slipped his cock through meagre safety cage surrounding the rapidly- rotating metal blades, the result was inevitable – and bloody.
Gavin, who lives in Stoke- on- Trent, Staffs, winced: “There was a sickening ‘ schlock’ sound and blood sprayed all up the walls. For a split second I was like a spectator.
“I saw the end of my willy drop on the table and because I was so drunk, I didn’t feel it for a moment.
“Then the pain came – and the horrific panic that I’d sliced the end of my cock off by sticking it in a desk fan.
“Then I remember a huge rush of agony, screaming… and that was it until I woke up in hospital.”
Medics said later that Gavin could easily have bled to death had his screams not been heard by neighbours, who broke down the door of his flat and called an ambulance.
Quick- thinking Geoff Elliot gingerly picked up the severed bellend and packed it in some frozen peas from Gavin’s fridge.
The dismembered member was taken with Secretary Harriet, from Middlesbrough, said: Gavin to the hospital where it was skilfully reattached by surgeons. Gavin now has an agonising five- week wait to see if reconstructive surgery has worked.
He said: “I owe Geoff a drink – or three. But as for myself, I’m off the booze.
“When you chop your own cock off with a desk fan, it’s time to reassess your drinking.
“But I think I’ll just have a small one right now – only to steady my nerves, you understand.”
Gavin had bought the fan for £ 1 at a car boot sale and planned to sell it on the craft/ overpriced tat website Etsy but now he’s had a change of heart.
He said: “It’s gone in the recycling. I’d hate for anyone else to suffer what I’ve been through.” SCREAMS: Gavin passed out from the agony of sticking his cock in spinning fan ( inset)