Drunk Clunes looka­like pissed on my Doc Martens


Sunday Sport - - NEWS -

PISS- TAKE: Stu­dent Lulu ( and the real Martin Clunes A HA­BIT­UAL drunk­ard who scratches a liv­ing as a Martin Clunes looka­like landed in trou­ble when he weed on a stu­dent's boots! Alan Wickes was in London vis­it­ing his mum but after a night on the beer, he got dis­ori­en­tated by the Un­der­ground net­work. And un­able to find a loo, Alan, 54, wet his trousers at Toot­ing Bec sta­tion. Art stu­dent Lulu Brown, 22, was stood next to him and hot “side spray” from Al's ac­ci­dent splashed all over her £ 125 Dr. Marten boots.

Po­lice were sum­moned and Alan had his col­lar felt for drunk and dis­or­derly and crim­i­nal dam­age.

In court last week, he was fined £ 100 and told to pay Lulu £ 150 compo for her boots and socks.

But last night Lulu slammed Alan's “pa­thetic” pun­ish­ment.

The staunch Re­main-voter and CND mem­ber spat: “A £ 100 fine and pal­try com­pen­sa­tion is hardly pun­ish­ment for the in­tense an­guish this man has put me through.

“Those boots were an in­te­gral part of me. I was vi­o­lated in the worst pos­si­ble way imag­in­able.”

Mean­while, Alan is back in his na­tive Corn­wall, trying to put mem­o­ries of his dis­as­trous London trip behind him.

He said: “That's the last time I go to fancy London.

“The flat, over­priced beer may taste of piss but it's got a kick to it – espe­cially when you mix it with a cou­ple of brandies.”

Alan says his pri­or­ity cap­tion in here please BLADDERED: Alan now is build­ing up his Martin Clunes- looka­like business, based in Port Quin – the neigh­bour­ing vil­lage to Port Isaac, where the ITV se­ries Doc Martin is filmed.

He added: “They said I wasn't a good enough Doc Martin looka­like to ply my trade in Port Isaac but the lo­cals in Port Quin were happy to see me.

“They say I'm a Tesco Value Doc Martin. I think the like­ness is OK, after I've had a few pints.”

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