Why I regret putting a live firework down my pants
WITH Bonfire Night almost upon us, the usual safety messages about fireworks are being trotted out by official sources.
But few could have the impact of oddball Len Stoate’s sobering tale of firework woe.
Because the contents of 54- year- old Len’s pants are a grim and grisly reminder that, handled wrongly, pyrotechnics can be DANGEROUS.
Shaking at the recollection of the 2016 incident that led to his member being blasted to atoms, Len told Sunday Sport: “It all started with a few ciders.
“They were on offer at Barry the Turk’s shop – 12 cans for £ 5. I think they were a bit past their sell- by date but they did the job. “Too well, as it happens.” Len recalled that after slurping 20 of the cut- price ciders he was gripped with an irrational desire to shove a lit banger down his pants.
The single former swimming coach said: “I had this big box of fireworks in the flat. I’ve no idea why I decided that. Curiosity, maybe.
“Drunk as I was, I knew I’d have go outside or I’d set the fire alarm off, so I went out to the spare ground where the dogs shit.
“I have a vague recollection of deciding this would look good on You’ve Been Framed, which I imagine is why I set up my phone to film my stunt.”
The resulting movie is one of the grisliest scenes ever recorded.
Len is seen attempting three times to light the powerful “air bomb” style banger, then dropping it down his trousers.
A sheet of flame then shoots from his flies, accompanied by a ground- shaking bang – loud, but not compared to what comes next… Len’s screams. Len winced: “It was like… well, it was like a firework going off in my pants. It literally blew my cock and balls into tiny bits. I knew I’d made a huge mistake.
“I reached into my pants and felt it had all been turned to mince.”
Len spent three weeks in hospital before returning home – dickless.
He said: “My dangle is gone forever. And all because I put a banger down my pants. This Bonfire Night, don’t do it.”
POCKET ROCKET: Len has remorse over his firework mistake
CRUEL BLOW: Moment Len lost his cock and balls