Why I re­gret putting a live fire­work down my pants

Sunday Sport - - FRONT PAGE -

WITH Bon­fire Night al­most upon us, the usual safety mes­sages about fire­works are be­ing trot­ted out by of­fi­cial sources.

But few could have the im­pact of odd­ball Len Stoate’s sober­ing tale of fire­work woe.

Be­cause the con­tents of 54- year- old Len’s pants are a grim and grisly re­minder that, han­dled wrongly, py­rotech­nics can be DAN­GER­OUS.

Shak­ing at the rec­ol­lec­tion of the 2016 in­ci­dent that led to his mem­ber be­ing blasted to atoms, Len told Sun­day Sport: “It all started with a few ciders.

“They were on of­fer at Barry the Turk’s shop – 12 cans for £ 5. I think they were a bit past their sell- by date but they did the job. “Too well, as it hap­pens.” Len re­called that af­ter slurp­ing 20 of the cut- price ciders he was gripped with an ir­ra­tional de­sire to shove a lit banger down his pants.

The sin­gle for­mer swim­ming coach said: “I had this big box of fire­works in the flat. I’ve no idea why I de­cided that. Curiosity, maybe.

“Drunk as I was, I knew I’d have go out­side or I’d set the fire alarm off, so I went out to the spare ground where the dogs shit.

“I have a vague rec­ol­lec­tion of de­cid­ing this would look good on You’ve Been Framed, which I imag­ine is why I set up my phone to film my stunt.”

The re­sult­ing movie is one of the gris­li­est scenes ever recorded.

Len is seen at­tempt­ing three times to light the pow­er­ful “air bomb” style banger, then drop­ping it down his trousers.

A sheet of flame then shoots from his flies, ac­com­pa­nied by a ground- shak­ing bang – loud, but not com­pared to what comes next… Len’s screams. Len winced: “It was like… well, it was like a fire­work go­ing off in my pants. It lit­er­ally blew my cock and balls into tiny bits. I knew I’d made a huge mis­take.

“I reached into my pants and felt it had all been turned to mince.”

Len spent three weeks in hos­pi­tal be­fore re­turn­ing home – dick­less.

He said: “My dan­gle is gone for­ever. And all be­cause I put a banger down my pants. This Bon­fire Night, don’t do it.”

POCKET ROCKET: Len has re­morse over his fire­work mis­take

CRUEL BLOW: Mo­ment Len lost his cock and balls

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