My old fashioned manners seem so behind the times

Americanisms seem to be used more and more in this country, and Rab is all for it – just so long as people don’t ignore him when he says hello...

Friends returning from the United States of America declared themselves worn out with everyone there being so friendly. This seemed an odd thing to say. Their case was that, at first, they quite liked strangers saying hello and striking up conversations easily. But, eventually, they started to feel grumpy about it.

I told them in no uncertain terms that this was their fault and that they’d be better off next time visiting Scandinavia where, if you say hello, people run away and shout for a gendarme.

Of course, “have a nice day” sincerity can be grating but, most of the time, it’s genuinely meant.

Some of this sort of thing has made its way across the pond, yea, even unto Scotia Minor and I am, by and large, in favour of the development. We encounter it mainly in restaurants, where young persons today are much friendlier than the haughty waiters of yore.

A few of us went for pizza recently, and the service was good. The only aspect that irked us was to be referred to repeatedly as “you guys”. It seemed forced, as if they’d been told to say it on pain of being fired.

I felt like saying: “Do you guys never get fed up of saying ‘you guys’ all the time?”

I suppose we all do it these days. At the bank: “Will you guys give me some money?” “Yes, when you guys have some cash in your account.”

Guys also refers these days to gals, of course, which I guess – oops, another Americanism; suppose! – makes everything equal, though you wonder what would happen if they referred to everyone as “gals”. At the barber’s: “Which of you gals is next for a beard trim?”

I did not find the friendliness my friends encountered prevalent in New York. Indeed, I found the people there rude – until I was leaving.

I was buying a train ticket to Washington and, for the purposes of this narrative, should put out that I have a bad habit of saying, “Could I have …?” in shops and restaurants.

It’s a more classless version of “May I have?”but still seems behind the times. On this occasion, when I asked if I could possibly have a ticket, the lady behind the counter beamed and hollered: “Of course you can, honey! This is America!”

I guess – suppose! – that, while I like to say hello to people, I’m somewhat reticent in my manner.

On the suburban hill, I try to judge my fellow walkers, and find that keeping my head down then beaming up at them at the last minute usually elicits a “hi”, “hello” or “get away from me”.

Nothing worse than saying hello and being ignored. People like that are deplorable and, if we still had parkies these days, I would summon one in the hope of an arrest being made.

I must say I’d love to visit the American Midwest where folks are said to be mighty – exceptionally! – friendly. Just so long as it’s genuine.

All right, you guys have a nice weekend now. No, seriously, have a good weekend, dammit.