LETTER OF THE WEEK

I have a childhood friend of over 35 years who has lots of lovely qualities, but who I’ve noticed becoming increasingly racist.

She moved abroad five years ago and this seems to have impacted on her views. Whenever she’s in the UK (a couple of times a year) and says something I don’t like, I say so, then change the subject. But I have had limited success in getting through to her or changing her views. In fact she is getting worse.

As well as feeling morally compromised by breaking bread with someone who says such things, I am really sad that she has become so hateful. How can I get through to her?

ANON, LONDON

Dear Anon

Before we talk about your friend, for fear we become a little po-faced or holier than thou, can we just accept that, as it says in the lyrics from Avenue Q, the musical, Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist? We may not be proud of our prejudices and we may strive to hide them, but we all carry them around with us. If you believe your friend can be a better person, then so can you, so can all of us.

Given that she is so relaxed saying these things around you, I assume that you are white, and as such get to decide how you react to them. That is a huge privilege, but it doesn’t make things easy. Elderly parents start