VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS

Rob Temple on the small anxieties of daily life

REPAIRING THINGS

1 Knowing it’d be easier to locate the Ark of the Covenant than that very small screw you just pinged into the carpet. 2

Finding out that the innards of a watch don’t respond kindly to being randomly jabbed by two sharpened pencils. 3

Managing to actually fix an item by using a multi-tool, making you feel like a proud mix of Ray Mears, Inspector Gadget and Crocodile Dundee.

4 Keeping an old toaster “for parts”, as if one day it’ll be a vital piece of the time machine you have, as yet, absolutely no idea how to build. 5

Proclaiming you’re going to “upcycle” a rackety old chair, by which you mean you’re going to use a paintbrush to create a bright blue rackety old chair. 6

Sensing you’ve sanded down an old guitar a little too much when you’re left with what looks like a very smooth and misshapen violin 7

Praying lady luck will err on your side if you mutter, “Oh come on, just work, you tricky sod” a few more times. 8

Being practically able to hear the hurricane of hubris thrash through the air as soon as you say, “How hard can working a lathe really be?!” 9

Suspecting you might need a bit more practice with the sewing machine when you notice that your vintage outfit has three arms and one big leg. 10

Finally taking the item you’ve been trying to fix to a professional, then biting your lip as they sadly murmur, Ooh, someone’s b------- this right up.”

Rob Temple’s latest book, Very British Problems: The Most Awkward One Yet (Sphere) is out now. Follow him on Twitter: @SoVeryBritish