Once the first man has successfully landed on Mars – Michael Phelps, who was just desperate for a swim – researchers learn the planet is, in fact, largely suitable for human life. ‘If it is possible, we are now considering inviting some people to move th—’ a scientist begins to announce. He is cut off by Theresa May, who bursts into the room and pleads to go. ‘I can survive anything! I’ve been stockpiling food and medicine for two years! And who better to scale Olympus Mons than Philip and me, the world’s most intrepid hill-walkers?’ She is denied, as nobody is willing to take on her job on earth.