How have I survived this long without an iphone?

There’s a new iphone launching next week, apparently. You can tell how uninformed I am about this fact because it’s called the iphone X, which I’ve been pronouncing as a letter, as in

X Factor, when actually it’s a Roman numeral and I’m meant to say iphone 10. I haven’t been this confused about an X since Ed Sheeran said his album, X, was actually called Multiply.

This means it’s been a decade since the iphone was invented, which is fairly mind-blowing. You know you’re getting older when the iphone is approaching secondary school age and wanting to get its ears pierced.

I have only recently succumbed to an iphone myself. For years, I eschewed what I felt was the rampant populism surrounding Apple and its stranglehold on technology. I carried my Google Androids and Samsung Galaxies with pride, ignoring the constant nagging demands for storage updates or that it was impossible to sync anything with my computer. If anyone rolled their eyes at me and told me I should really get an iphone, I would respond with dark murmurings about “inbuilt obsolescence”. I convinced myself that my non-apple phone had a better camera, even though I had no basis for this assumption, other than having read something about pixels in the instruction manual.

Anyway, in August my old phone died and I found myself smoothly persuaded to take the leap by a very convincing man in Carphone Warehouse. I purchased an iphone (rose-gold, since you ask) and, annoyingly, it’s much better than any mobile I’ve ever owned. For one thing, I don’t have to delete the Uber app to free up the necessary space to download an email. So, fine. Everyone was right.

I still haven’t read Harry Potter or watched Mad Men, though. That’ll take me

another 10 years.