Felines fighting to be best in show
Can Barry, a household moggy, become a star at the feline equivalent of Crufts? Nick Harding attempts to train his lazy pet
In Britain, there are around eight million cats, most of which live unremarkable lives; roaming gardens, sleeping on sofas, defecating in gardens they have no business being in. At the other end of the feline spectrum, however, you’ll find a different class of kitty altogether. These are show cats – the exotic pedigrees from pure bloodlines which are whisked around the world in designer carriers, fed premium chow, pampered in salons and presented to adoring fans on fur-lined platforms.
Over 200 of these majestic ubermoggies descend on Surrey this weekend for the UK’S biggest cat show. Londoncats is the highlight of the British cat-fancying calendar and the feline equivalent of Crufts, where some of the world’s highest-ranked quadrupeds vie for the best-in-show rosette. And this year, heaven help us, Barry, my own grimalkin, will be in the midst of this preening coterie, flying the flag for the hopes and aspirations of this publication’s cat-owning readers. Frankly, I am concerned.
You see, Barry is not a show cat. He’s more of a no-show cat. He is mainly lazy but prone to wild mood swings. His general demeanour is one of indifference, punctuated frequently by unprovoked attacks on my arms and legs. He is a purebreed Bengal, but falls well short of the standards expected of a top show cat. When he takes to the ring this Sunday, he’ll be judged on his cleanliness, his character, his personality and his appearance. The fundamentals of cat display are quite simple, particularly in the household category Barry is entered in. All he has to do is stay in one place and show some interest. I fear even this small the challenge will get the better of him. Which is why Barry and I have been training for the event.
Using his preposterously large cat activity centre as a stage, I have been playing the role of judge and attempting to entice Barry on to his hind legs with the jingly lure he got for Christmas and some fishy treats. The food works momentarily, but, as befits his breed, Barry has the attention span of a toddler who has just eaten all the Haribos – he scoffs the food, then promptly jumps off the platform.
We need help, so I turn to Steven Meserve, Londoncats organiser and PT Barnum of the feline world, for some guidance. “Cats which get up on the scratching post and react well for the audience tend to do well, as opposed to cats that have a difficult time coming out of the cage,” Steven explains. “The event is supposed to be fun for the cat and the owner, so why would you exhibit a cat that isn’t enjoying it?
“Try giving him a treat when he comes out of the judging ring, so he understands that if he’s well-behaved he’ll get a treat. There are some remedies on the market that people use to calm their cats but if you have to use something, then I tend to think the cat shouldn’t be there anyway.”
The show is hosted by The International Cat Association (TICA), which hosts hundreds of similar events around the world each year. Top cats are judged against the ideal characteristics of their breed, accumulating points throughout the year. The more opponents a winning cat defeats in its category, the more points it gets. In Londoncats there will be eight judging rings and each judge will whittle down the field to the top 10 in each category. As there are only around 10 household cats entered, if Barry behaves himself, he has a chance of winning a title on his first outing. Honours range from Master to Supreme Grandmaster.
Steven explains: “Household pets are a key market we are lacking in the UK. TICA gets up to 50 household pets in some of the big USA shows, here we are lucky to get 10 or 12. People don’t realise they can bring their cats.
“Hopefully Barry will be able to stick the day. He’ll probably wonder what the hell is going on, but the worst-case scenario is that the judges won’t be able to judge him. Bengals are known to be very vocal but not very aggressive. In fact, unless Barry eats someone, he has a good chance of a title because he is in a small category.”
I laugh nervously and ask if there is a contingency plan for cats that bolt. “You’ll hear someone shout ‘cat loose’ and the doors get shut,” Steven explains.
Back at home after a few training sessions, Barry is still struggling with the concept of posing, and I begin to wonder whether his disinterest is indicative of a deeper psychological problem. To discover whether my one-year-old kitty is struggling with developmental issues, I turn to the bestselling book Test Your Cat by EM Bard, which allows owners to IQ test their pets using a variety of behaviour observations and tasks. Points are deducted for behaviours such as walking into doors and falling into lavatories, both of which Barry does.
However, his test results provide me with a glimmer of hope and reveal a respectable 116-point tally, which puts him “above normal range”. This score,
‘My kitty has the attention span of a toddler who has just eaten all the Haribos’
according to EM Bard, means that Barry is “physically well developed, co-operative, friendly and able to cope with most frustrations”.
Buoyed by this, I turn to Anita Kelsey, cat behaviourist and author of CLAWS: Confessions of a Professional Cat Groomer, for advice on how to get Barry into a winning mindset.
“It’s normal to expect your cat to feel anxious at its first showing,” she explains. “The car journey may stress him out a bit and he’ll have to acclimatise to unfamiliar territory. But if he’s used to lots of people, he may bounce back and want to come out of his cage and have a look around.”
Barry is indeed sociable and is unfazed by other people and cats. Often, he’ll follow me and Stephanie, my wife, to the local curry house and attempt to join us at the table.
Anita recommends that at the show I put one of my T-shirts in the cage he’ll be in, so the environment smells familiar. She also advises that I create a private corner in the cage where he can go for alone time.
The one final concern I have is of a personal nature. Barry has been neutered. He probably doesn’t remember what it was like to be sexually intact and lives in a community of similarly sterilised felines. Many of the show cats, however, are intact for breeding purposes. As silly as it sounds, I worry about Barry’s self-esteem. If he feels like a castrato in the chorus line of a virile Welsh male voice choir, I’m not sure he’ll hit the right notes. Anita has a solution.
“One way to eliminate the stress of being around other cats would be to line his cage with curtains, so he doesn’t have to see the cats next to him,” she advises.
Armed with this tip, Barry and I are fully prepared for his show cat debut. And even if he fails miserably, at least his pride will remain intact.
London cats takes place at Leatherhead Leisure Centre, Surrey, this Saturday and Sunday