How to deal with dog guests
Badly behaved canine guests – not to mention their judgmental owners – have ruined many a friendship, says Flic Everett
When having friends over to stay, the primary concern used to be clean bedding, and how many of the “good” towels to use. But when those friends have dogs, a weekend visit becomes an event pitched somewhere between a Pixar film and a prison break.
Carting your own mutt to the cherished homes of others is fraught with difficulty, too, as your previously good boy prances into a pristine living room and stress-wees on the silk sofa – no wonder, then, that a study from interiors firm Hillarys has found that one in five owners “relocates” their pet when staying elsewhere.
And while your dog may have issues with socialising, the human approach can be even worse. Naturally, friends quietly judge each other’s parenting – but once a dog enters the mix, your training, rules and canine behaviour all come under intense scrutiny. If you let your dog sleep on the bed, and theirs are banished to the kennel, you’re already at cross-purposes. “I took Wilma, my Weimaraner puppy, to stay with my oldest friend,” recalls my colleague Katy. “Wilma was scared and she did a little pee, and shredded a cork coaster. My friend said I was ‘letting her get away with murder’ and held up the example of Bodie, her perfect cockapoo. I felt extremely protective of poor Wilma, and was furious by the time we left.”
Also, adds Katy, the dogs didn’t like each other – a huge problem when you’re planning a visit to friends.
“Jen and I have always spent Christmas with my sister,” says Russ. “But last year, we both got dogs. We now have Pearl, a nervous rescue whippet, and they have Beano, a labrador retriever who terrifies her. Christmas was spent trying to calm Pearl down, while my sister justified Beano’s untrainable behaviour.”
While grumpy kids can be sent off to watch Netflix, difficult dogs prove harder to distract. Leaving Fido behind still rankles for many owners, though: a survey from snaptrip.com reports that 60 per cent of us miss our pets more than our children when we go away. Last year, my partner and I had friends to stay. Our cocker spaniel, Ellroy, is friendly towards other dogs, so their Patterdale terrier, Poppy, was no problem – until Ellroy became obsessed with her, pestering her like a hormonal teenager. Poppy’s owners felt protective, we felt guilty, and Ellroy spent most of the visit whining with longing from our car.
But expecting dogs to behave as well as visiting humans do is, frankly, barking, says Ryan O’meara, a former professional dog trainer and editor of K9 magazine. “Dogs are very much creatures of habit and when a routine changes they can respond negatively,” he says. “This is likely to be exacerbated tenfold if there are new dogs on their territory.”
My friend Stella still recalls the time her friends acquired Lola, a rescue Staffie, shortly before she went to stay. “They warned me she could be ‘nervy’ around new people. I love dogs so I was very calm as I went into the house, but Lola hurled herself at me and sank her teeth into my arm. I needed a tetanus shot, they were mortified, and I was terrified for the rest of my stay.” After this disaster, “they ‘trained’ her,” says Stella. “They came over one day and she was lovely with our children, but our little schnauzer growled at her and she suddenly turned on him and nearly killed him.” Now, Stella says, “we no longer go over there, and we never talk about it”.
Most dog owners will be familiar with territorial issues – we can insist our kids learn to “share” with other children they dislike, but it’s harder to make a mutinous poodle give up her space. “If possible, introducing dogs to each other should be done on neutral territory,” O’meara advises. “Set up a meeting where dogs can get to know each other, feed them far apart from each other, and if a dog has their own favourite bed, don’t make them give it up.”
The other issue is the mess. After the horror of puppy Ellroy galloping around a new friend’s creamcarpeted house, merrily lifting his leg while I roared “NO!”, I’m now highly attuned, and will bundle him out at the first sign.
But it’s not just “marking” that can be an issue. When Amanda went housesitting with her two collies, some muddy dog walks left her friend “having to redecorate the pristine white, minimalist hall and kitchen. The mud wouldn’t come off and our friendship was never the same.”
Given all the stress, then, should owners consider kennels, rather than forfeiting a friendship? Dog visits don’t have to end in mortification, promises O’meara. “The key is to know your dog. They are extremely adaptable – just ensure their routine is maintained, and that potential flashpoints are avoided as opposed to simply letting the dogs ‘get on with it’. It’s perfectly possible dogs can be accepting of a new dog in just a few hours if introductions are done well.”
And then it’s just your judgmental friends you’ll need to worry about.
‘Their dog turned on ours and nearly killed him. Now we no longer go there and we never talk about it’