Baldness isn’t an illness – it doesn’t need a miracle cure

The latest miracle remedy for baldness has arrived, no doubt prompting men up and down the country to wonder if their prayers might this time be answered, and their scalps miraculously reunited with the luscious locks of their youth.

A drug originally intended to treat osteoporosis has been found to stimulate hair follicles to grow. According to Dr Nathan Hawkshaw of Manchester University, this could “make a real difference to people who suffer from hair loss”.

As a man with little remaining hair, I was intrigued. I went bald in my 30s, though the signs were there in my late 20s: that moment when I saw the light reflecting off someone’s head on CCTV and thought: “At least I’m not that bad”, before realising that man was me.

There’s no denying that many men find going bald terrifying. It’s a visible sign of ageing about which one can do nothing to reverse, or conceal it.

But having had 15 years to get used to it, I’ve made peace with my hair loss. In fact, I take issue with the idea that baldness needs to be “cured” – for it is not an illness, despite what the $11.8 billion hair-loss treatment industry would have you believe.

On the contrary, it’s a natural process that humans – many great humans – have abided with for centuries, and it strikes me there are probably more important treatments on which to be expending our energy.

I’ve discovered there are definite advantages to living as a smoothie. For starters, it means never going to the barbers. I own a pair of clippers and use them roughly once a week, depending on the weather (hot weather means faster growth). Every haircut is a number one, and I rather like the simplicity this has bought to my life.

Besides, back when I had hair, I had any number of strange cuts, including a bob that at times looked worryingly like that sported by Richard III.

Baldness has saved me from my own poor judgment. It has also stopped me chewing my long hair which, in retrospect, really wasn’t a very nice habit.

It was a lesson in acceptance, too. Going bald teaches you that there are things you can do nothing about and I quite like this. No currently available “cure” looks remotely tempting (I’m looking at you, Silvio Berlusconi). As soon as you accept defeat, life gets easier. Nearly everyone who is bald gets there in the end.

I’m not sure I buy into all that stuff about women finding baldies more attractive, although there is a fair body of research which suggests bald men are seen as more authoritative and dominant, as well as wiser and more intelligent.

On the downside, along with the dearth of cool hats in the world, we bald guys have a greater risk of heart disease and possibly prostate cancer, although apparently this may lessen if we use our bald heads to make vitamin D in the sunshine.

But let’s be honest, in terms of genetically inherited nasties like Alzheimer’s and various cancers, baldness is pretty far down the list. Losing your hair teaches you to focus on the bigger picture.

So I won’t be forking out for a Wayne Rooney-style transplant, or signing up to try this new drug just yet. In fact, the idea of having hair again now seems kind of a hassle. Besides, more and more of my friends are joining me every year.