The Daily Telegraph

Banning my elderly mother from driving was heartbreak­ing

- follow Angela Epstein on Twitter @adeptstein­1; read more at telegraph.co.uk/opinion angela epstein

Let me tell you about my lovely mum and the day I took her independen­ce away. It wasn’t planned. But one fine March afternoon in suburban north Manchester, life, quite literally, tipped on its head. My mum was driving home alone after giving a friend a lift when her car, according to witnesses, seemed to spin out of control, ricochetin­g like a pinball against a line of (thankfully empty) parked cars before coming to a rest on its roof.

In the bleak days that followed we were unsure whether she would survive. But after nine weeks in hospital, she pulled through. Once discharged, this hugely independen­t – and above all, astonishin­gly optimistic – lady started talking about driving again. She had no recollecti­on of why the accident happened and simply assumed she could get back behind the wheel of her Nissan Micra. That was when, together with my brother and sister, I told Mum that her driving days were over.

There are lots of difficult conversati­ons to have with elderly parents when the “in loco parentis” axis swings back to the child. But this was especially crushing. How do you say to someone – especially a widow who had for so long treasured her independen­ce – that this particular chapter of her life is closed? We all felt mean, really mean. Particular­ly since there was no conclusive reason, such as bad weather, for the accident. Yet we could not rule out that she had been responsibl­e. Was it her age? She was 75. We’ll never know.

My mother lived for another seven years. During that time she bore the loss of her motoring independen­ce with spirit and grace, conceding the stakes were too high for a frail, elderly lady to drive again. Unfortunat­ely, there are many elderly drivers who remain on the road when they should have long since surrendere­d their licence.

On Saturday, a pensioner ploughed her Toyota into the flower tent at a Norfolk summer show.

In a postscript worthy of a Victoria Wood sketch, a hand-written note was found near the dashboard, with instructio­ns on how to drive. (“Key in ignition, foot on brake, start engine, gear lever into D, foot off brake.”) Amusing, though not so funny for the several people needing treatment for minor injuries. Or the fact this could have been a full-scale tragedy.

Today, some 4.5 million over-seventies are UK drivers. That’s not to say they shouldn’t be: a study last year by Swansea University found that pensioners are no more dangerous on the road than other motorists. Yet, equally, it’s an incontrove­rtible fact that general health, reaction times, eyesight and hearing all decline with age. Which is why, since the state leaves it to drivers to self-regulate, it is vital that relatives recognise when there is a need to intervene.

As my mother returned to her busy life, her desire to nip into town or visit a friend became an issue of taking taxis and buses (she hated asking her children for lifts). Sometimes she’d parry that there hadn’t been any evidence the accident was her fault. That she’d only given up driving to stop her children worrying. However, a gentle reminder from us of what she had been through would slowly yield acceptance.

After all, she knew she’d had a lucky escape. Just as we all do, every time an elderly motorist – or their family – is courageous enough to recognise it’s time to hang up the car keys and call a taxi instead.

 ??  ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United Kingdom