‘Admitting I was lonely prompted friends to say they felt the same’

Maria Lally, 39

When I was 33 and had just had my second child, I would talk to my friends about anything. Nothing was off limits, except for how lonely I sometimes was.

Three years ago, I wrote about how isolated I had felt after moving out of London, where we were surrounded by friends, to a Surrey village, where we knew nobody. After “coming out” about my loneliness, the response was huge; friends confessed they, too, felt lonely.

One single pal confessed that, while she hated herself for saying so, she felt lonely on Sundays when her friends were doing family stuff. I had no idea.

Just like she had no idea how lonely I was. And that’s the point: while she was busy posting photos of nights out, I was busy posting cute pictures of my daughters. When we texted each other, the stock answer to “How are you?” was “Fine, thanks!” rather than, “Actually, I’m feeling quite lonely.”

So what did help? For me, it was time, which led to a whole new supportive set of local friends.

And admitting I felt lonely, which prompted others to admit they sometimes felt the same.

So now, when a friend moves away, or has a baby, I always tell them about how lonely I once felt and ask whether they are OK.