No 3,923 The house next door

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Age: Built some­time in the 1970s.

Ap­pear­ance: Four bed­room, three-and-a-half­bath­room, sin­gle-level ranch-style house in a sleepy Chap­paqua cul-de-sac.

A Chap­paqua cul-de-sac, you say? Yes.

My un­ex­pected but com­pre­hen­sive knowl­edge of north­ern Westch­ester County, New York real es­tate tells me that is where the Clin­tons – one Bill, one Hil­lary – bought their house. You are cor­rect.

A house com­pris­ing 5,232 square feet of late 1800s, gam­brel-roofed de­light, set in an acre of ex­pan­sive lawn ringed by ma­ture trees, pur­chased for $1.7m (£1.28m) in late 1999, I be­lieve, un­less I am more mis­taken than a Trump voter. Very im­pres­sive. But this is the one next door, which they bought for $1.16m in Au­gust 2016.

Fan­cied a bit more room did they? Hil­lary ad­mit­ted in an in­ter­view with CBS this week­end that the sec­ond house was bought to ac­com­mo­date White House staff and se­cu­rity when she ... you know ...

Won the elec­tion? Yes.

Has she burned it to the ground? You couldn’t blame her, but no. She says she doesn’t re­gret the pur­chase and used its din­ing room to write much of her new mem­oir, What Hap­pened, an ac­count of los­ing the pres­i­dency to Trump.

Did she need long to scrawl “WTAF!?!” across a wodge of tear-and-blood-sod­den pages? Again, you couldn’t blame her, but no – it’s a proper book: 512 pages from Si­mon & Schus­ter. All typed, as Vic­to­ria Wood once said, loads of spell­ing.

So she has some thoughts on the sub­ject? One or two, yes.

Such as? The cur­rent pres­i­dent be­ing “the least ex­pe­ri­enced, least knowl­edge­able, least com­pe­tent” in his­tory and “a clear and present dan­ger to the coun­try and the world” whose in­au­gu­ral ad­dress she heard as “a howl straight from the white na­tion­al­ist gut”.

Who does she blame? Her­self, Comey, Rus­sia, sex­ism, racism. Not nec­es­sar­ily in that or­der.

Will she run again? Would you?

Do say: “Trump was run­ning a re­al­ity TV show that ex­pertly and re­lent­lessly stoked Amer­i­cans’ anger and re­sent­ment. I was giv­ing speeches lay­ing out how to solve the coun­try’s prob­lems. He was rant­ing on Twit­ter.”

Don’t say: “Sad!”

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