I keep chasing then ghosting people, but would like to settle down
I have been single for a year and a half and feel I am stuck in a rut of chasing then ignoring people. I want a relationship and to settle down but I feel I am in a cycle where I don’t give enough time to the person I date because I am constantly searching for the next. I am aware it means I treat people with less respect than they deserve. Internet dating doesn’t help and I delete apps, then find myself going back to them. What should I do? Should I not see anyone for a while? Has anyone else found themselves behaving this way and changed and, if so, how?
Give up apps – and ghosting
You say you want a relationship but are behaving in a way that you are fully aware is counter-productive. Is it that you’re not ready and would prefer to be single for a bit, or do you want it but are just nervous of getting hurt and thus shying away when things start to progress? In any event, you don’t like your own behaviour and are aware that it’s not respectful and not going to get you what you’re looking for. The first step ... stop. Delete the apps and don’t download them again. Do not look at any other prospects before finishing with the current one. Give up the ghosting and finish things properly.
Hear how it was for them
While I agree that it’s commendable that you admit to it, maybe hearing, quite a few times now, the side of someone who has been ghosted, might put things in perspective? It is a horrid thing to do, as it leaves you, as the person concerned, wondering what you did wrong and leads to wasted hours of ruminating over why you weren’t even good enough to receive any sort of closure.
After much anxiety, and still no closure, you close down yourself, build a hardened barrier, and end up with very unhealthy trust issues, and a deep fear of entering new relationships. itsnotwhoyouthink
Give your dates more time
A long-term relationship requires mutual trust. Trust has to be earned and given progressively over time. By moving on so quickly, you’re making it impossible to find out whether the person you’re moving on from might make a good long-term partner. Be honest about what you want, make your decision and then act accordingly. Jonathanwest