Turn­berry hol­i­day park

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Lo­ca­tion: Gir­van, Ayr­shire.

Ap­pear­ance: A static car­a­van park set within “the tranquillity of Scot­land’s south-west coast”. It looks out across the sea to­wards the Mull of Kin­tyre.

One of my top five favourite mulls, no ques­tion. Paul McCart­ney was dead right. You must let him know, I’m sure he’d be de­lighted. Plus Gir­van is fa­mous for the his­toric Turn­berry golf course, one of the links cour­ses that hosts the Open Cham­pi­onship.

Didn’t Don­ald Trump buy that place a few years ago? Yes, in 2014. He has since spent more than £100m on it, and it is still los­ing mil­lions. Jolly good. I didn’t re­alise he had gone into the static car­a­van busi­ness, too. He hasn’t! You’re con­fus­ing the Turn­berry hol­i­day park with the Trump Turn­berry golf re­sort, which is two miles up the coast.

Are they dif­fer­ent places? Very dif­fer­ent. Right now, it would be cheaper to rent a car­a­van for six peo­ple for a week at Turn­berry hol­i­day park (£280) than for one per­son to play a sin­gle round of golf at the Turn­berry’s Ailsa course (£325-375). I see. So, they’re pitched at dif­fer­ent mar­kets. You could say that. Still, to avoid con­fu­sion, the own­ers of the car­a­van park are con­sid­er­ing chang­ing the name.

Why? It’s a brand is­sue, mainly. A few years ago, golf fans all over the world as­so­ci­ated Turn­berry with an­cient coastal splen­dour. It was the scene of the fa­mous fi­nal-round duel be­tween Jack Nick­laus and Tom Wat­son in the 1977 Open.

And now? Now they as­so­ciate it with be­ing orange and un­hinged.

So, a trailer park is wor­ried that a lux­ury golf re­sort might give it a bad rep­u­ta­tion? That’s about the size of it. Bridge Leisure, which owns the car­a­van park, sur­veyed 1,000 peo­ple and found that 32% said they would be less likely to visit a place called “Turn­berry hol­i­day park”. Oh dear. “There’s no doubt there’s a neg­a­tive el­e­ment be­cause of the Don­ald,” says An­drew Howe, chief ex­ec­u­tive of Bridge Leisure. “It’s a com­pet­i­tive mar­ket­place. We’re wor­ry­ing about do­ing any­thing that might put peo­ple off.” Did Howe say what name might be used in­stead? He didn’t. But a de­ci­sion is ex­pected in a cou­ple of weeks.

How about the Robert Mueller hol­i­day park? I’m sure they’ll con­sider it.

Do say: “Breathe the sea air while you and the fam­ily en­joy the wealth of lo­cal op­por­tu­ni­ties for po­lit­i­cal protest.”

Don’t say: “When I said I wanted ‘golf links’, this wasn’t what I had in mind.”

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