My life in sex The woman whose hus­band ejac­u­lates pre­ma­turely

The Guardian - Weekend - - Body & mind -

As women, we are taught that men are ruled by sex, and that our power lies in our at­trac­tive­ness. But when­ever I at­tempt to se­duce my hus­band of three years, I am met with re­jec­tion, ex­cuses (“But I have to do the bins” was a par­tic­u­lar low point), ex­as­per­a­tion, or an­noy­ance. My hus­band suf­fers from pre­ma­ture ejac­u­la­tion, a prob­lem that arose three months into our re­la­tion­ship.

He rarely lasts a whole minute, but, for me, the is­sue is not only our lack of sex. It’s the crush­ing look of dis­ap­point­ment on his face as our at­tempts at pas­sion dry up within sec­onds, leav­ing him to re­treat into his head and be­rate him­self for be­ing un­able to please his wife. A sex coun­sel­lor as­sured us there is no phys­i­cal cause, and he can last longer if he’s in the right mind frame. The chal­lenge is get­ting him to that point, as any sug­ges­tion of sex from me means pres­sure to per­form.

No mat­ter how many times I try to ex­plain to him that touch­ing, kiss­ing and in­ti­macy are more im­por­tant than pen­e­tra­tion, for him sex is scary. Apart from this, we are happy. Sup­port­ive, open, strong. We com­mu­ni­cate well, laugh con­stantly. He is af­fec­tion­ate and works hard for our lit­tle fam­ily (we have a oneyear-old). He is an amaz­ing man who never ceases to make me smile. I couldn’t love him more.

But I’m tired of wait­ing pa­tiently for my hus­band to have the con­fi­dence to ca­ress me, frus­trated as my body cries out to be touched. Nei­ther of us wants to bring up the pos­si­bil­ity of be­ing in­ti­mate. So we lie in si­lence. Him ter­ri­fied of fail­ing, me ter­ri­fied of be­ing re­jected again. Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@the­guardian.com

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