Exit Spicey, enter the Mooch in Washington’s farcical political comedy revue
Sean “Spicey” Spicer, we knew ye all too well. Six months of shambolic press briefings, incoherent communications strategy and endless rumours of your demise. It was all too much for us, and for you too.
How satisfying it must have been to quit last Friday, just as the asylum came under new management. How pleasurable for you to see Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci take your podium as new White House communications director and literally struggle to make the microphones work. That’s what we like to call a political metaphor.
To be fair for a second or two, the notion of Trump’s communications director is obviously a contradiction in terms. How can anyone direct the communications of a man who tweets at the TV? We all know, as you do, that serving as Trump’s press secretary is the Worst. Job. Ever.
Perhaps that’s why the Mooch fumbled his first announcement, about your successor. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, your principal deputy, is the winner of the poisoned chalice and the target of endless TV critiques from the reality TV star now serving as commander-in-chief. Congrats, Sarah! And thanks for reminding us at the top of the briefing that last Friday was the last day of Made in America Week. What a week it was for Trump’s American-made output.
The newly crowned King of Comms spent his first minutes shooting down nasty press reports about a feud with Reince Priebus, the diminished White House chief of staff. Reince is best friends with Spicey, and he nixed the Mooch from another job because of ethical concerns about his overseas investments. How quaint: ethical concerns in the Trump White House. The Mooch insisted that, far from being rivals, he and Reince were brothers. And like all good middle-aged brothers, he said, “we rough each other up
sometimes”. The Corleone brothers may have enjoyed a similar kind of relationship before it all went south.
Donald J Trump believes he is the master of communications. But he cast his communications director on the basis of his TV appearances, giving no regard to his lack of experience in, you know, communications. The Mooch is one of Trump’s fiercest defenders on cable news: an essential qualification. Sadly Trump cast the Mooch without checking his policy positions or previous statements. Because the president’s new pet has tweeted in support of gun control. Of course, those old tweets mysteriously disappeared last Friday.
The new director works for a man whose idea of message discipline is to limit himself to four tweets before breakfast. He assures us there is life beyond public service for loyal soldiers like Spicey. “Just look at his great television ratings,” said the Mooch, predicting he would now go on to make lots of money.
What a message. What a patriot.