Exit Spicey, en­ter the Mooch in Wash­ing­ton’s far­ci­cal po­lit­i­cal com­edy re­vue

The Guardian Weekly - - International News - Richard Wolffe

Sean “Spicey” Spicer, we knew ye all too well. Six months of sham­bolic press brief­ings, in­co­her­ent com­mu­ni­ca­tions strat­egy and end­less ru­mours of your demise. It was all too much for us, and for you too.

How sat­is­fy­ing it must have been to quit last Fri­day, just as the asy­lum came un­der new man­age­ment. How plea­sur­able for you to see An­thony “The Mooch” Scara­mucci take your podium as new White House com­mu­ni­ca­tions di­rec­tor and lit­er­ally strug­gle to make the mi­cro­phones work. That’s what we like to call a po­lit­i­cal metaphor.

To be fair for a se­cond or two, the no­tion of Trump’s com­mu­ni­ca­tions di­rec­tor is ob­vi­ously a con­tra­dic­tion in terms. How can any­one di­rect the com­mu­ni­ca­tions of a man who tweets at the TV? We all know, as you do, that serv­ing as Trump’s press sec­re­tary is the Worst. Job. Ever.

Per­haps that’s why the Mooch fum­bled his first an­nounce­ment, about your suc­ces­sor. Sarah Huck­abee San­ders, your prin­ci­pal deputy, is the win­ner of the poi­soned chal­ice and the tar­get of end­less TV cri­tiques from the re­al­ity TV star now serv­ing as com­man­der-in-chief. Con­grats, Sarah! And thanks for re­mind­ing us at the top of the brief­ing that last Fri­day was the last day of Made in Amer­ica Week. What a week it was for Trump’s Amer­i­can-made out­put.

The newly crowned King of Comms spent his first min­utes shoot­ing down nasty press re­ports about a feud with Reince Priebus, the di­min­ished White House chief of staff. Reince is best friends with Spicey, and he nixed the Mooch from an­other job be­cause of eth­i­cal con­cerns about his over­seas in­vest­ments. How quaint: eth­i­cal con­cerns in the Trump White House. The Mooch in­sisted that, far from be­ing ri­vals, he and Reince were broth­ers. And like all good mid­dle-aged broth­ers, he said, “we rough each other up

some­times”. The Cor­leone broth­ers may have en­joyed a sim­i­lar kind of re­la­tion­ship be­fore it all went south.

Don­ald J Trump be­lieves he is the mas­ter of com­mu­ni­ca­tions. But he cast his com­mu­ni­ca­tions di­rec­tor on the ba­sis of his TV ap­pear­ances, giv­ing no re­gard to his lack of ex­pe­ri­ence in, you know, com­mu­ni­ca­tions. The Mooch is one of Trump’s fiercest de­fend­ers on ca­ble news: an es­sen­tial qual­i­fi­ca­tion. Sadly Trump cast the Mooch with­out check­ing his pol­icy po­si­tions or pre­vi­ous state­ments. Be­cause the pres­i­dent’s new pet has tweeted in sup­port of gun con­trol. Of course, those old tweets mys­te­ri­ously dis­ap­peared last Fri­day.

The new di­rec­tor works for a man whose idea of mes­sage dis­ci­pline is to limit him­self to four tweets be­fore break­fast. He as­sures us there is life be­yond pub­lic ser­vice for loyal sol­diers like Spicey. “Just look at his great tele­vi­sion rat­ings,” said the Mooch, pre­dict­ing he would now go on to make lots of money.

What a mes­sage. What a pa­triot.

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