Invalid input: Maybot rejects tough topics
It’s not easy to communicate with someone who has few social skills. Which means any PMQs involving Theresa May is always going to be an uphill struggle: all the more so when it’s a 45-minute exercise in damage limitation to stave off for another week any thoughts her backbenchers may be harbouring of getting rid of her. In recent weeks, the Maybot has traded merely in incoherent soundbites. For her last PMQs before the party conference recess, she upped the ante by refusing even to recognise the validity of any difficult questions.
The writing was on the wall right from the start with Lib Dem Layla Moran asking when the PM was going to admit Brexit was going to be a lot more difficult than she had imagined.
“You’re just wrong,” the Maybot said. Moran had committed a classic category error. Brexit was going to be a storming triumph because … because … because it just was. No further explanations were required or given.
When Jeremy Corbyn got to his feet, the Maybot went into full unauthorised access mode. The Labour leader was wrong. The UN report he had quoted highlighting grave and systematic violations in the government’s treatment of the disabled didn’t exist. It was fake news! She had done more for the disabled than anyone in history. Send her the weak and downtrodden and she would cut their benefits and find them a job which paid next to nothing.
Corbyn chose to run through a few more items from the Tory back catalogue of failure. Where to start? Student debt. That would do.
“Wrong,” the Maybot declared. “We are going to …” What was she going to do? A look of panic crossed her face as her internal systems froze.
She was going to do something because the Tories were the party that kept their promises on doing something. Unlike Labour. “The right honourable gentleman promised workers that he would protect their rights and on Monday he let them down,” she said with what she hoped was a flourish.
Even her own backbenchers woke up at that point. They had been under the impression that the whole purpose of the EU withdrawal bill had been to give the government leeway to do exactly as it pleased. They hadn’t realised that the land grab had been totally driven by their leader’s desire to make sure workers’ rights were protected. If they’d known that, they might have voted against the bill.
Still they were where they were. And the Maybot was where she was. PMQs might have been the best part of an hour of their lives no one would ever get back, but she had survived another week on borrowed time.
Seven days grace is about as good as it gets for her these days.
Brexit was going to be a storming triumph because … because … because it just was