Is Internet dating the best solution for me?
QMY FRIENDS are all telling me that internet dating is the way to go, but I’m worried that the people who use apps like Tinder, or even JDate are just expecting casual sex. I’m seriously looking for a partner. Should I give it a go?
ATHE PROBLEM with internet dating is that it gives users the impression that there is an endless amount of choice out there, which can make potential dates seem rather disposable. Scrolling through profiles is also far too much like fun to make it akin to a serious pursuit.
Both factors do make dating sites attractive to the fickle or to those looking for quick thrills, so you’re wise to be cautious.
However, recent research showed that online dating now accounts for about one in five new relationships and up to one in six marriages, so clearly not everyone using dating sites and apps is only looking for casual sex. Of course, by logical deduction, this also means that four out of five relationships are still formed the old fashioned ways. So perhaps the key to making internet dating work for you is to think of it as just one option in your quest to find a partner, rather than the be-all and end-all.
Bear in mind that you’re just as likely to meet the wrong person, or someone who just wants you for sex, at work or at a party, as you are online. You need to employ the same nous on the internet as you do in daily life — that means taking things slowly, getting to know people, taking note of the things they say and the way they say them. The difference is that rather than reading body language, you need to learn to read online behaviour and recognise red flags, such as quickly making the conversation sexual, or asking for pictures.
First off, you should avoid the apps, like Tinder, which are known for being playgrounds for casual sex. Paying a premium to join a site or app can also help; those seriously looking for a partner are more likely to be willing to shell out. Engage potential partners in long, in-depth conversations and don’t agree to meet up too soon.
People who genuinely like you will invest the time and effort. Is the other person really listening to what you say and remembering it from conversation to conversation, or are they just giving out generic compliments and platitudes? Do they only contact you late at night, in the hope of a hook-up?
Make sure your own profile clearly states that you want a relationship, and avoid using words like “fun” or “adventurous”, which could be seen as shorthand for “wants sex”. Take care to choose a photo in which you look friendly and smiley and approachable, not sexy or posed. Good luck!
QMY CHILD doesn’t go to a Jewish school because we didn’t get in. But all my friends’ children did and they are all really highachieving. They are always boasting about their children being in the best schools but they can afford tutors on the side, too. My child isn’t particularly academic or good at anything special and I feel sad and jealous when they are boasting on Facebook all the time. It makes me not want to talk to my friends.