Bul­lied as a boy, now I own a bank

The Jewish Chronicle - - ASK HILARY | EXPERIENCE -

SOME­THING TELLS me that even if your child were at a Jewish school, or in­deed at ex­actly the same school as your friends’ chil­dren, you’d be deal­ing with the same is­sues — wor­ry­ing that yours was not do­ing as well as theirs, an­noyed by their boast­ing. Com­pet­i­tive peo­ple are com­pet­i­tive peo­ple. And I’m afraid I’m talk­ing about you, as well as them.

Are your friends re­ally boast­ing, or are you just over­sen­si­tive be­cause you feel that your child — and by ex­ten­sion, you — has some­how failed? It’s in­ter­est­ing that you say “we” didn’t get in to a Jewish school. Surely it’s your child who didn’t. Why are you tak­ing this so per­son­ally? Is this re­ally about your child, or more that you feel in­fe­rior to your friends?

More wor­ry­ingly, is your child aware of how neg­a­tively you feel? Be­cause if you trans­mit your lack of con­fi­dence in their abil­i­ties to him or her, it could be far more dam­ag­ing than what school they at­tend.

Please fo­cus on what you do have, not on what you don’t. You may not be able to af­ford a pri­vate tu­tor, but you can en­cour­age your child to work hard and fo­cus on the things they are good at — and there will be some­thing, even if it’s not academia. Happy, hard-work­ing chil­dren gen­er­ally suc­ceed in life whether or not they go to the very best schools.

Con­tact Hi­lary via email at agony@ thejc.com, anony­mously or not. Or write to her at 28 St Al­bans Lane, Lon­don NW11 7QF

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