WHAT IF TRUMP LIVE-TWEETED JARED’S SEDER?
Invited to Ivanka and Jared’s for Seder dinner. I’m all set to go. #happypassover
The failed New York Times says Passover starts today. FAKE NEWS #sad
Just called Jared. It seems it actually is Passover today. #let'smakepassovergreat
Very excited and honored to be leading the Seder service tonight. It’s going to be a TERRIFIC evening, the BEST SEDER ever!
Jared says I’m not quite Jewish enough to lead the service. He'll do a FANTASTIC job!
Jews celebrate freedom from slavery. We all celebrate freedom from Obama!
So the Egyptians made the Israelites build massive pyramids. AND the Jews had to pay for them. Smart work, pharoah!
Seems pharoah is bad guy. Horrible. Never liked him.
Service underway. It seems quite complicated and long. Someone pour me a large Scotch.
You can’t even have ONE GLASS OF SINGLE MALT?!? #sad
Jared serving Bread of Affliction. It's gonna be delicious.
We're eating some kind of big cracker with no flavor! #fakebread #passthejelly
Big immigrant population don’t wanna work hard to make Egypt great again #sad
OK BIG NEWS. Serious pressure on Egypt to let the people go.
Pharoah dithering. Cut a deal! Losing patience with Egypt here
Moses using alternative facts to play with the heads of the Egyptians. THERE ARE TEN PLAGUES
Lucky Egyptians weren’t on Obamacare — they’d be sick and poor (if first born, dead and poor) #fail
I’m warming to this idea bigly. WATCH OUT KIM JONG UN #tenplaguesforKorea #boils #frogs #riversofblood
Israelites migrating. Fortunately for them they are not headed for #USA. They still have to get over the Red Sea #badidea
OK so the Red Sea has parted. LET’S BUILD THAT WALL FOLKS.
Egyptian military total fail #drowned. Big lesson for NATO here
We’re singing a song called Dayenu. It means we’ve had enough. Just like the American people have had enough of FAKE NEWS
Correction, it means ‘it would have been enough’. So had POTUS just got rid of evil Hillary, it would have been enough #dayenu
Had POTUS saved America from Muslims carrying bombs, it would have been enough #dayenu
Had POTUS simply built the wall, it would have been enough #dayenu
Gonna have a word with Sean Spicer. #dayenu is going to be our next press conference
Everyone is saying “Next Year in Jerusalem”. Let’s get that embassy built there.
Next year in Scotland! Terrific country. The Scottish people love me so much #Let’sPlayGolf. #singlemalt
Prayer books have been put away. Four glasses of wine drunk. Now the feast. Happy Passover to all my Jewish friends — even the Democrats
Is Hillary Jewish? #alternativefacts
They just brought an egg. And they poured salty water all over it. Someone get me a Chinese takeout — and let’s make the Chinese pay for it
OK there’s a crisis developing. Afi Koman has gone missing. Let’s get together and start searching for him.
I seem to remember that Afi was Israel’s Deputy Foreign Minister. Terrific guy. I hope his family are doing well and staying strong
FAKE NEWS! Turns out Afi wasn’t the foreign minister, but a piece of matzah they hid. I led the search . Made sure Ivanka found it
Everyone says we need to let in a guy called Elijah in. Has Elijah got a #greencard? Is he #muslim???
They are putting wine in a glass for this guy. AND THEY ARE LEAVING THE DOOR OPEN #verysad
We owe a debt to all of our immigrants but this is not the way we do business here anymore. No one gets a free pass. LET’S PUT AMERICA 1st!
OK, Elijah is a dead prophet who comes back for a glass of wine. Who can blame him?
Winding up. Great evening. Songs about goats #strange
Looking forward to corned beef on rye at Trump Tower #signaturedish — hold the elevator!
AS IMAGINED BY SIMON ROUND