dear Zelda

Our re­la­tion­ships ex­pert Zelda West-Meads an­swers your ques­tions

The Mail on Sunday - You - - Food Sarah Wilson -


I found a re­ceipt for Vi­a­gra when I looked at my hus­band’s email ac­count. He is 46 and I am 38. We have a four-year-old and twins who are less than a year old. I con­fronted him and he said he had bought it to use with me, as after drink­ing he has dif­fi­culty get­ting an erec­tion. Then, a few days ago, when he was un­dress­ing to go to bed, he had an erec­tion for no rea­son. I think that he took Vi­a­gra and had sex on his way home from work. He doesn’t have time for an af­fair so I as­sume it was with a pros­ti­tute. When I chal­lenged him he said I had imag­ined the whole erec­tion in­ci­dent. He is now say­ing he bought it be­cause he wanted to last longer when we have sex. He has form in telling lies, nor­mally over money, only ad­mit­ting the truth when there is 100 per cent in­con­tro­vert­ible proof. Am I read­ing too much into this? As your hus­band seems to have changed his story sev­eral times and he does not al­ways tell the truth, I can un­der­stand your sus­pi­cions. How­ever, if sex is good and the de­sire to make love is shared, there would be lit­tle in­cen­tive to visit pros­ti­tutes, so you may be jump­ing to the wrong con­clu­sion. He may have had an erec­tion if he had taken Vi­a­gra be­cause he wanted to have sex with you. Had he been drink­ing? He should re­ally try to cut down his al­co­hol in­take (which could in­deed af­fect his abil­ity to get an erec­tion) rather than re­sort to Vi­a­gra. Also, he is only in his mid-40s and if he were look­ing for ex­cite­ment else­where he would be un­likely to need Vi­a­gra un­less he has low testos­terone lev­els, is de­pressed or there are other med­i­cal rea­sons (in which case he should see his GP). I am not dis­miss­ing your fears. Are there any other signs that could in­di­cate he is be­ing un­faith­ful? Is he re­turn­ing from work later than usual, never leav­ing his mo­bile un­guarded or be­ing se­cre­tive about his emails? As a mother of three young chil­dren you must be ex­hausted and maybe love­mak­ing has slipped to the bot­tom of the agenda. Un­for­tu­nately, some men are un­faith­ful at a time like this, which is not fair. Try to talk to him about all this: ask him why he is drink­ing too much and whether he is feel­ing stressed and per­haps un­happy with your sex life as there is so much on both your plates.

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