Our relationships expert Zelda West-Meads answers your questions
MY HUSBAND IS USING VIAGRA BEHIND MY BACK
I found a receipt for Viagra when I looked at my husband’s email account. He is 46 and I am 38. We have a four-year-old and twins who are less than a year old. I confronted him and he said he had bought it to use with me, as after drinking he has difficulty getting an erection. Then, a few days ago, when he was undressing to go to bed, he had an erection for no reason. I think that he took Viagra and had sex on his way home from work. He doesn’t have time for an affair so I assume it was with a prostitute. When I challenged him he said I had imagined the whole erection incident. He is now saying he bought it because he wanted to last longer when we have sex. He has form in telling lies, normally over money, only admitting the truth when there is 100 per cent incontrovertible proof. Am I reading too much into this? As your husband seems to have changed his story several times and he does not always tell the truth, I can understand your suspicions. However, if sex is good and the desire to make love is shared, there would be little incentive to visit prostitutes, so you may be jumping to the wrong conclusion. He may have had an erection if he had taken Viagra because he wanted to have sex with you. Had he been drinking? He should really try to cut down his alcohol intake (which could indeed affect his ability to get an erection) rather than resort to Viagra. Also, he is only in his mid-40s and if he were looking for excitement elsewhere he would be unlikely to need Viagra unless he has low testosterone levels, is depressed or there are other medical reasons (in which case he should see his GP). I am not dismissing your fears. Are there any other signs that could indicate he is being unfaithful? Is he returning from work later than usual, never leaving his mobile unguarded or being secretive about his emails? As a mother of three young children you must be exhausted and maybe lovemaking has slipped to the bottom of the agenda. Unfortunately, some men are unfaithful at a time like this, which is not fair. Try to talk to him about all this: ask him why he is drinking too much and whether he is feeling stressed and perhaps unhappy with your sex life as there is so much on both your plates.