MY FI­ANCEE’S DAUGH­TER IS TAK­ING AD­VAN­TAGE OF ME

The Mail on Sunday - You - - Health -

Seven years ago, my fi­ancée of 83 days trag­i­cally com­mit­ted sui­cide. She was 42 and left be­hind a son and daugh­ter. Since then, I have un­wit­tingly – ac­cord­ing to her daugh­ter – be­come her step­fa­ther. I have no chil­dren of my own. She lives 200 miles away. I helped her fi­nan­cially through uni­ver­sity to qual­ify as a nurse. She got her de­gree and a good job and I re­warded her with a new car. Her at­ti­tude to me changed demon­stra­bly the minute we walked out of the car show­room. Then, she got a boyfriend from hell. He drinks and fights so much that he is banned from all pubs in his area. She begged me for £300, which I later dis­cov­ered was to pay a fine for him. Now, only a year into her ca­reer, she is preg­nant and plans to keep the baby. This has had a dev­as­tat­ing ef­fect on my health and I have de­vel­oped se­ri­ous heart prob­lems. I don’t think her boyfriend will hang around and I fear that she will ex­pect me to sup­port her fi­nan­cially. I have al­ready spent more than £38,000 on her, in­clud­ing sev­eral thou­sand pounds for her to have fa­cial cos­metic surgery. I am sorely tempted to sever all con­tact, oth­er­wise I am go­ing to worry my­self into an early grave. I have tried talk­ing to her, but she doesn’t lis­ten. I am so sorry about your fi­ancée’s death. It does sound as if her daugh­ter has taken ad­van­tage of your gen­eros­ity – at a very high cost to you. You can’t con­tinue to fi­nance her for the rest of your life. You need to write to her and ex­plain this. Also, tell her that you fear her boyfriend will aban­don her once she has the baby, so she needs to know whether she could cope with work­ing and rais­ing a child at the same time. Hope­fully, her own fa­ther or family can help her. For your own health, you need to have lit­tle or even no con­tact with her. If you can af­ford it, per­haps you could set up a small direct-debt trans­fer that goes to her once a year, which might give you peace of mind.

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