I found out that my partner paid for sex
I have been with my partner for five years. We live together and are both 60. Four years ago, he went away on business and ended up in Thailand for a week. Six months ago, I discovered that while he was there he visited prostitutes. I have left him several times because of this, but gone back. I have told him that he has let me down badly. He has said how sorry he is, but now expects me to move on. I am back with him, but have no trust and it’s a matter of time before I leave again. My self-esteem is on the floor, but I don’t know how to break the cycle. This is devastating for you; I am sorry. As you have only been together for five years, I would imagine that he has been married or had another long-term relationship before. Do you know if he was ever unfaithful or visited prostitutes before he met you? Sadly, I suspect that this is the case as I doubt that he has got to 60 and suddenly decided to do it. Also, as this happened a year into the relationship, I am afraid that it adds to my doubts. If he has a record, it would be better to leave him. Please don’t see his behaviour as anything lacking in you. Some men are built this way and are unfaithful to whoever they are with. If he has never cheated, you could give him another chance, but it will be difficult to trust him again, especially if he has to go away on business. I recommend that you go to counselling with Relate (relate.org.uk, 0300 100 1234), either together or alone, to try to decide what to do.