QUOTES of the week

‘All terrorists are politely reminded that this is London and whatever you do to us, we will drink tea and jolly well carry on.’ Mocked up Tube poster following Wednesday’s attack in Westminster.

‘Social historians will trace the Islington coffee riots to this betrayal.’ Twitter user jokes after Waitrose ends its free coffee offer to its loyalty card members.

‘I hope he’ll be parked in a particularly hot and unpleasant corner of Hell for eternity.’ Lord Tebbit, whose wife was paralysed in the 1984 Brighton bombing, shows no forgiveness following the death of ex-IRA commander Martin McGuinness.

‘We’re distracted from being ourselves in a world fuelled by Inst-tweet-bookface.’ Kate Winslet laments the use of social media.

‘When Labour has needed loyalty, he has been sharpening his knife looking for a back to stab.’ Union boss Len McCluskey hits out at Labour’s Deputy Leader Tom Watson as splits in the party deepen.

‘Guys, we have a loose snake – and we don’t know where it is.’ Pilot raises tensions with his announcement during a flight over Alaska.

‘I’m very fond of riding but I don’t look quite the same with my shirt off.’ David Cameron explains why he would never follow Vladimir Putin and ride topless.

‘Don’t forget the clocks go forward one hour on Sunday, then go back 60 years on Wednesday.’ Cartoonist Andy Fanton isn’t looking forward to Article 50 being triggered.

‘When I was growing up, homosexuality was synonymous with the word abomination and with Hell.’ Katy Perry reveals how she was told to ‘pray the gay away’ during summer Jesus camps.