BLACK DOG

The Mail on Sunday - - Comment - black.dog@mailon­sun­day.co.uk

Andy rouses the wrong crowd

SUCH is the up­side-down world of Jeremy Cor­byn’s Labour that Andy Burn­ham, the party’s newly elected mayor of Manch­ester, is barred from speak­ing at Labour’s con­fer­ence in Brighton next week­end – but will ad­dress the Tory rally a week later. ‘As an ex-Blairite Health Sec­re­tary, Andy is per­sona non grata in Cor­byn’s Labour,’ said a Labour in­sider. ‘But as the Tories are on his turf, Andy gets to wel­come them. To be hon­est, he’s got more in com­mon with them any­way.’ LIVID that pri­vate Shadow Cab­i­net con­ver­sa­tions keep end­ing up in this newspaper, Cor­byn gave col­leagues a stern ‘stop leak­ing’ or­der – which was promptly leaked to Dog. ‘Jezza tried to come over all head­mas­terly but no­body will take a blind bit of no­tice,’ snig­gered our mole. THERESA MAY’S choice of Florence for a speech vow­ing to keep Bri­tain at the heart of Europe if not the EU seemed rum to some. As well as be­ing the birth­place of the Re­nais­sance, it is where the Bor­gias and Machi­avelli poi­soned and plot­ted. Un­like Ge­orge Os­borne, their pledges not to rest un­til their en­e­mies were ‘chopped up in bags’ were not idle threats: they ac­tu­ally did it.

Is this the face of Vince’s sexy hero?

DOES Anna Soubry, left, feisty blonde poster girl of anti-Brexit Tories, have a se­cret ad­mirer in Lib Dem leader Vince Ca­ble? The hero of his Brexit-themed novel Open Arms is a sexy, fear­less, blonde Tory ex-De­fence Min­is­ter who voted Re­main. Dog is not buy­ing saucy old Sir Vince’s de­nials.

EN­VI­RON­MENT Sec­re­tary Michael Gove’s jour­nal­ist wife Sarah Vine has talked of her planned visit to Aus­trian fat farm the Mayr clinic, favoured by the likes of Liz Hur­ley. The only male Vine is likely to see in these en­vi­rons is hus­band Michael. He lost two stone there four years ago.

Cryer’s souf­fle slight

ES­SEX Labour MP John Cryer had short shrift for Lefty ‘Re­moan­ers’ who marched in Lon­don and at­tacked pro-Brexit Labour rebels like him. ‘They prob­a­bly drove straight back to their sec­ond home in the Cotswolds, a Guardian newspaper in their Gucci bag, and cooked a mas­car­pone souf­fle on the Aga,’ he snarled into his heav­ily stained mug of builders’ tea.

TORY MPs moan about threats by chief whip Gavin Wil­liamson in Brexit votes, but he is a pussy-cat com­pared to David ‘The Ter­mi­na­tor’ Light­bown, the 20st whip who cowed Tory Euro rebels in John Ma­jor’s day. ‘He lit­er­ally picked up an MP by the throat and banged his head against the wood pan­elling,’ re­calls for­mer Tory whip Derek Con­way.

HERE’S hop­ing Boris John­son’s dash to the hur­ri­cane-hit Caribbean started bet­ter than his July Aus­tralia and New Zealand jaunt. Then, the For­eign Sec­re­tary cut it fine to get to Heathrow. ‘Please hurry, sir,’ said pan­ick­ing aides. ‘We’ve only got 35 min­utes to get to the air­port.’ Boris replied: ‘Cripes! I haven’t packed yet.’

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