Andy rouses the wrong crowd
SUCH is the upside-down world of Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour that Andy Burnham, the party’s newly elected mayor of Manchester, is barred from speaking at Labour’s conference in Brighton next weekend – but will address the Tory rally a week later. ‘As an ex-Blairite Health Secretary, Andy is persona non grata in Corbyn’s Labour,’ said a Labour insider. ‘But as the Tories are on his turf, Andy gets to welcome them. To be honest, he’s got more in common with them anyway.’ LIVID that private Shadow Cabinet conversations keep ending up in this newspaper, Corbyn gave colleagues a stern ‘stop leaking’ order – which was promptly leaked to Dog. ‘Jezza tried to come over all headmasterly but nobody will take a blind bit of notice,’ sniggered our mole. THERESA MAY’S choice of Florence for a speech vowing to keep Britain at the heart of Europe if not the EU seemed rum to some. As well as being the birthplace of the Renaissance, it is where the Borgias and Machiavelli poisoned and plotted. Unlike George Osborne, their pledges not to rest until their enemies were ‘chopped up in bags’ were not idle threats: they actually did it.
Is this the face of Vince’s sexy hero?
DOES Anna Soubry, left, feisty blonde poster girl of anti-Brexit Tories, have a secret admirer in Lib Dem leader Vince Cable? The hero of his Brexit-themed novel Open Arms is a sexy, fearless, blonde Tory ex-Defence Minister who voted Remain. Dog is not buying saucy old Sir Vince’s denials.
ENVIRONMENT Secretary Michael Gove’s journalist wife Sarah Vine has talked of her planned visit to Austrian fat farm the Mayr clinic, favoured by the likes of Liz Hurley. The only male Vine is likely to see in these environs is husband Michael. He lost two stone there four years ago.
Cryer’s souffle slight
ESSEX Labour MP John Cryer had short shrift for Lefty ‘Remoaners’ who marched in London and attacked pro-Brexit Labour rebels like him. ‘They probably drove straight back to their second home in the Cotswolds, a Guardian newspaper in their Gucci bag, and cooked a mascarpone souffle on the Aga,’ he snarled into his heavily stained mug of builders’ tea.
TORY MPs moan about threats by chief whip Gavin Williamson in Brexit votes, but he is a pussy-cat compared to David ‘The Terminator’ Lightbown, the 20st whip who cowed Tory Euro rebels in John Major’s day. ‘He literally picked up an MP by the throat and banged his head against the wood panelling,’ recalls former Tory whip Derek Conway.
HERE’S hoping Boris Johnson’s dash to the hurricane-hit Caribbean started better than his July Australia and New Zealand jaunt. Then, the Foreign Secretary cut it fine to get to Heathrow. ‘Please hurry, sir,’ said panicking aides. ‘We’ve only got 35 minutes to get to the airport.’ Boris replied: ‘Cripes! I haven’t packed yet.’