It was the best of days for this Hol­ly­wood hero

The Observer - - Comment & Analysis - Mark Wahlberg

There’s a whole genre of lit­er­a­ture ded­i­cated to en­abling peo­ple who love lists, who shiver with con­tent­ment at the mere thought of tick­ing things off.

There are books ded­i­cated to fill­ing in themed lists, film or mu­sic or travel ones, where you can note down, for ex­am­ple, the best beaches you’ve been to or favourite movie duos. But here’s an idea for the next in­stal­ment, which should be called Typ­i­cal Days (That Are Not So Typ­i­cal) and should be ded­i­cated to com­pet­ing with Mark Wahlberg. For a list con­nois­seur, Wahlberg’s “typ­i­cal day”, which went vi­ral last week, is a thing of beauty and ter­ror.

Wahlberg goes to bed early, be­cause he wakes up at 2.30am. By the time he gets around to 11am “fam­ily time”, he has gone through a de­tailed roadmap of his ev­ery mo­ment and has prayed, worked out, played golf, eaten sev­eral meals and snacks and en­joyed a pe­riod of “cryo cham­ber re­cov­ery”.

What I like about this list, other than the sheer im­prac­ti­cal de­tail and de­vo­tion of it, is that it’s stark proof of how as­pi­ra­tional celebrity life is a to­tal fan­tasy. I feel the same when­ever an ac­tress ad­mits that they’re al­ways hun­gry; in lieu of Hol­ly­wood not de­fer­ring to one kind of body, at least there’s an hon­esty in talk­ing about the con­tor­tions it takes to fit into that sys­tem.

I don’t wish to com­pare my­self to Wahlberg (not again!) but I have barely wo­ken up my brain enough to de­cide whether to have ce­real or toast by 11am. I guess that’s why he’s a renowned movie star and I’m still wait­ing for that call to lead the next Trans­form­ers movie.

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