Vote for a dead cert

TAX PLAN A STREAK OF ID­IOCY Win by Trump stiff is typ­i­cal elec­tor shrug

The People - - NEWS FEATURES -

FIRST the Amer­i­can stuff. It would be re­miss not to men­tion the midterm elec­tions – even though there’s not re­ally a mas­sive amount to say.

It was one of those fifty-fifty results. Bad for Trump, not bad for Trump, that kind of thing.

As a pointer to where the next elec­tion might go in 2020, they maybe lean to­wards him get­ting beat. But there’s a long way to go.

Any­ways, by far the most in­ter­est­ing story to emerge from this set of elec­tions was the stun­ning vic­tory of Den­nis Hof.

A Repub­li­can re­al­ity TV star and brothel owner dubbed Amer­ica’s Pimp, he stood in a ru­ral area of Ne­vada.

At first glance you wouldn’t have fan­cied his chances.

On top of his du­bi­ous line of work, there’s a raft of sex al­le­ga­tions against him.

He also got re­ported, back in the day, for death threats. Oh, and he’s dead. Yep. Dead. Dur­ing this lat­est elec­tion they put no­tices up say­ing, pretty much: “He’s dead but still on the bal­lot pa­per. So, y’know...”

But still he won. With about 70 per cent of the vote.

The old say­ing: “To win round here all you need is a Repub­li­can rosette and a pulse,” is only half-right.

I raise this not be­cause of any af­fec­tion for Den­nis but be­cause it brings to light the ques­tion, who is it that we vote for and why? This week THERE are all sorts of ways the Govern­ment can in­ter­vene to tackle pub­lic health prob­lems.

One of them is mak­ing things more ex­pen­sive. We’ve seen taxes on to­bacco, al­co­hol and sugar. Even a pasty tax was mooted.

But last week’s sug­ges­tion was a bridge too far. Sci­en­tists reck­oned polling was re­leased that shows beyond the very top of UK pol­i­tics we don’t know who any­one is. It’s more Guess Who than Who’s Who. Things weren’t great for Labour. Out­side Cor­byn there’s not much recog­ni­tion. Nat­u­rally, 100 per cent of peo­ple recog­nised Theresa May. You would ex­pect that. Weirdly, 89 per cent of peo­ple have heard of Jeremy Hunt. I am gen­uinely puz­zled by this. An­swers to the usual email please. Fur­ther down is Gavin

CUL­TURE Sec­re­tary Jeremy Wright re­vealed in an in­ter­view this week his un­usual way to un­wind.

He said that once he has fin­ished his “dif­fi­cult and stress­ful” job he en­joys go­ing home and build­ing things. But not DIY or any­thing. “We all have dif­fer­ent ways to re­lax,” said Jeremy, “and mine is Lego.” The largest model he has built is a 4,500brick model of the Death Star, from Star Wars.

This man is the Cul­ture Sec­re­tary. Some­one buy him a TV. there should be a 79 per cent in­crease on, of all things, ba­con.

Who­ever they are, th­ese sci­en­tists have grossly underestimated the im­por­tance of ba­con to the UK pop­u­lace.

When they closed the cafe near work, which was the only place round here you can get a ba­con Williamson – 70 per cent. You know the fella? Gavin. Gavin Williamson. He’s the De­fence Sec­re­tary. Hangs around with a taran­tula.

Beyond Gav, things start to drop off re­ally quickly, un­til you get all the way down to Alun Cairns, who 86 per cent of peo­ple haven’t heard of.

No one is quite sure why this is. Are peo­ple less en­gaged than they were be­fore? Is it that our politi­cians are not in­ter­est­ing, or we’re not in­ter­ested in our politi­cians?

I sup­pose one thing that doesn’t help is that the an­swer to: “Haven’t heard sand­wich, my friend Neil laid a card and a bunch of flowers out­side.

Mer­ci­fully the govern­ment saw sense. It’s not of­ten we agree with Matt Han­cock but the Health Sec­re­tary has our sup­port – telling the coun­try our ba­con is safe.

Good move, Matt. It would be hard to imag­ine a rasher de­ci­sion. of them, what do they look like?” is usu­ally, “Oh, y’know, white, mid­dleaged, grey­ing. Wears a suit.” But there is hope. The Youth Par­lia­ment was in the Com­mons yes­ter­day and the pas­sion and in­tel­li­gence of th­ese bright young­sters was en­cour­ag­ing.

A new gen­er­a­tion of politi­cians in­ter­ested in the things we’re in­ter­ested in and who look and sound like us.

You find your­self op­ti­mistic, will­ing them on, hop­ing they make it, and that none of them – none of them – grow up to be Alun Cairns. THE Collins Dic­tio­nary in­cluded gam­mon in its words of the year. Not the de­li­cious snack but the po­lit­i­cal in­sult. It first came to pro­min­ince af­ter the ref­er­en­dum as a word to de­scribe white, mid­dle-aged Brexit sup­port­ers. When they get an­gry. Just to be clear, how­ever we il­lus­trate this bit, the pic­ture on the left had noth­ing to do with me.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UK

© PressReader. All rights reserved.