The People's Friend Special - - CONTENTS -

by Su­san Whal­ley


know how this hap­pened; I’m be­wil­dered and con­fused. I had a phone, a friendly brick I con­fi­dently used. But now I am the owner of an alien de­vice With very few in­struc­tions that make sense or are con­cise. It has a hun­dred “apps” and more I don’t know how to use, But all cre­ated, I’ve no doubt, to baf­fle and be­muse. I don’t know where I have to tap and when it’s good to swipe, And if I need to sweep across, is it to the left or right? It’s no good ask­ing in the shop to show you what to do; They’ve seen another punter far more lu­cra­tive than you. The fam­ily had pa­tience but I’ve now be­come a bore. I know be­cause they sigh and say, “I’ve shown you that be­fore.” I think I signed a con­tract that my pen­sion may just meet; I’ll worry later how I’ll pay for food and clothes and heat. Com­mit­ted now, I soldier on, it’s prac­tice af­ter all. I hope you find some pa­tience while you wait for me to call. My phone and I will not be friends, it’s ir­ri­tated me And let me down too of­ten, that’s not good enough, you see. But worse than that, I need to say, what re­ally both­ers me, It’s slim­mer, flat­ter and smarter than I will ever be!

– Su­san Whal­ley.

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