This was the pits! Complete and utter shambles
ZZ Top can sleep easy. I doubt if those backing the beard will even make it past the stubble stage.
Some England players have also joined fans in the shaving amnesty for as long as they remain in the World Cup.
Wayne Rooney now has more fluff on his chin than hair on his head. I’m surprised he hasn’t torn all of it out playing with this bunch of plodders.
Unfortunately it appears the razor is not the only thing they have ditched. Skill, passing and shooting have also fallen by the wayside if the latest pathetic England performance is anything to go by.
This was the pits. A complete shambles. An absolute shocker. Garbage.
England were clearly stung by criticism of their ‘kick and rush’ football from Franz Beckenbauer. They responded by eliminating the ‘rush’ element and replacing it with lifeless, aimless, one-dimensional and turgid (and I don’t just mean Emile Heskey).
It took half-an-hour for them to manage a noteworthy effort, 35 minutes for Aaron Lennon to successfully trap the ball and 40 minutes for Frank Lampard to be spotted moving at a speed greater than walking pace. Even then Lampard managed to fail to score from 12 yards.
When ITV anchorman Adrian Chiles says it’s been awful, you know you’re in trouble.
He’s been holding footballing discussions with Edgar Davids and Kevin Keegan for the past week, so is well-placed to judge dire output.
But the second half was even worse. No fire in their bellies, no spark from their gifted feet and no solution from the bench.
Steven Gerrard turned a glorious (and rare) shooting chance into a terrible cutback. Otherwise it was only pot-shots to trouble Algeria keeper Rais M’Bolhi.
Adi Raïs Cobos Adrien M’Bolhi Ouhab (to give him his full name) started the tournament as his nation’s thirdchoice goalkeeper and failed to make the grade with Heart of Midlothian. He collected his first cross in the manner of a nervous maniac but then received a test about as difficult as your average GCSE.
Another keeper, Rob Green, paid the price for his awful display with his place as David James was back between the sticks for England.
If Fabio Capello employs the same train of thought over the next few days, there will be wholesale changes on Wednesday against Slovenia.
If he doesn’t work a miracle and get his so-called superstars to shine, his squad will be back in Blighty this time next week.
The football romantics will quite rightly point out that Italy went all the way to glory in 1982 despite failing to win a group game.
The football realists will quite rightly point out that England have no chance of doing the same.
YOU clearly can’t have your cake and eat it where this World Cup is concerned.
While some of the greatest players on the planet produced some abject entertainment in the early days of the competition, at least referees were getting most things right.
But just as business has picked up with goals galore, officiating standards have dropped quicker than a stripper’s stockings.
Step forward Senor Alberto Undiano Mallenco - a Spaniard who is held in seriously high regard, probably by the Billy Smart circus.
Mallenco dished out nine cautions (two of them equalling one harsh red for striker Miroslav Klose) and made countless other crazy decisions as Germany came back down to earth with a thud yesterday.
Their 10-men succumbed to a 1-0 defeat at the hands of Serbia in Group D with the sole goal arriving a minute after Klose walked.
Mallenco’s stinker makes him worthy of a regular slot in the Championship based on what Posh endured last season.
But it wouldn’t have been quite so significant if Lukas Podolski possessed the ability to hit a barn door. He missed one penalty and two sitters with the sort of performance that will soon seal a switch to ETFC.
And the man that followed Mallenco wasn’t much better. Koman Coulibaly spent more time whistling than a jolly farmer as his bungling did England a big favour.
The Malian in the middle was a ticking time-bomb in terms of making a truly shocking decision during the 2-2 draw between Slovenia and the United States in Group C.
He finally erupted five minutes from time when disallowing a Maurice Edu strike that would have handed the States victory - even though the only visible infringements were being carried out by Slovenian defenders.
The old saying that a good referee goes unnoticed still rings true. You couldn’t miss this pair.