Memoirs of a MADman*
Don’t start shoving a Zimmer frame into people’s backs like a demented Dalek impersonator
tion if you so wish. For example if you want to get people’s attention you don’t have to say ‘excuse me’ - prodding people in the back with a walking stick is sufficient to get their attention.
Don’t start shoving a Zimmer frame into people’s backs like some demented Dalek impersonator though.
In much the same way that people would question a bogus incapacity benefit claimant caught on camera break-dancing, onlookers will start raising questions about why you need a Zimmer frame in the first place.
At this stage I feel it is pertinent to point out that this tongue-in-cheek assessment of getting old is simply a smokescreen for my own angst and deep-seated, but not irrational, fear of just that ....getting old.
Who am I kidding? To be perfectly frank with you, getting old scares the living daylights out of me. And so I react by making a joke out of it. Getting old is no fun and while I jest about the perks of senior citizenship, deep down readers I am bricking it, to use the vernacular.
And anyone of my age that says otherwise is telling porkies. The poet Dylan Thomas wrote that we should, “Rage against the dying of the light” and “...not go gentle into that good night”.
What Mr Thomas was trying to tell us was not to readily accept the onset of age and fight against it. And although I subscribe to this philosophy, I’m just not sure I’ll have the energy to rage against anything, let alone a dying light. IN recent weeks I have been pontificating at length on the various but admittedly rather contentious advantages of being what I have termed politely and affectionately ‘truly old’. have weighed this against the dubious and finite advantages of being middle aged.
Let’s get one thing straight here, I accept that a middle-aged man and woman boast better physical mobility, better hearing and better eyesight. That’s pretty much a given. And we can still get a mortgage and pay less for things like life assurance and medical insurance.
But the ‘truly old’ get better rates on their car insurance even though a significant number would probably fail their driving tests and are an increased danger to other road users, in my humble opinion.
They also get reduced rates on some grub, although I accept that this is on the understanding that you will be probably consuming squirrel’s portions anyway.
Interestingly, there are numerous senior citizens ‘money off’ deals on fish and chips but not yet on curries or Chinese takeaways as far as I‘m aware.
Everything has senior citizens’ discounts and, if it doesn’t, you can raise age discrimination hell until you finally get one.
You can also legitimately exploit your posi--