Web at the wheel and text in bath

The man be­hind the mic

The Peterborough Evening Telegraph - - Paul Stainton - Paul Stain­ton

Iam writ­ing the col­umn this week on an iPad, through an app called Cloud- on, which I will then pick up off some­thing called Drop­box, be­fore email­ing it to the ed­i­tor.

Now if all that is about as clear to you as Bridge Street/ Cow­gate in Jan­uary ( delete as ap­pro­pri­ate), then I am not sur­prised.

The only rea­son I know how th­ese things work is be­cause I use them all the time – lap­tops, Twit­ter, Face­book, apps, meg and ram – they are now all part of my ev­ery­day ex­is­tence.

How­ever, I am hav­ing trou­ble with my iPhone – eight times it has rung Peter­bor­ough United this week with an of­fer for Ge­orge Boyd, I mean, can you be­lieve it?

Judg­ing by the as­tro­nom­i­cal sales of tablets and gizmos this Christ­mas it seems we all have a de­sire for the shiny new things but how many of you ac­tu­ally know what you are do­ing?

I bet Ge­off’s wife in Whit­tle­sey got a shock when he ac­ci­den­tally face timed Clau­dia in Brazil on Box­ing Day, and Sarah in Gun­thorpe has some ex­plain­ing to do when hubby Dave takes de­liv­ery of a thou­sand wind tur­bines and 300 acres of so­lar pan­els next Tues­day ( if un­de­liv­ered pleases re­turn to a Mr Cer­este, care of PCC).

I just hope that some­body has set up some fam­ily pro­tec­tion on all those coun­cil iPads as we wouldn’t want any coun­cil­lors cor­rupted by the dark dan­gers of the in­ter­net!

Just imag­ine, one bit of fin­ger trou­ble whilst re­search­ing your sex­penses ( oops) and you are a gonner!

It’s easy to iden­tify those who have the tech­nol­ogy all fig­ured out. They wan­der aim­lessly, head down, on their own, through the city cen­tre, end­lessly bump­ing into you.

“Sorry” they say, but they haven’t even seen you, it’s like you are not even there, like Nick Clegg in a cab­i­net meet­ing.

And if you thought you pro­cured all the bits of ad­vanced kit and ca­boo­dle you will ever need to stay one step ahead of the neigh­bours – think again.

Be­cause this week the bods, geeks and nerds have all con­verged in Amer­ica to un­veil yet more things that we can’t af­ford with­out sell­ing grandma to the big bad wolf.

Google gave us the car that drives it­self – per­fect for those who find driv­ing a chore or who, for one rea­son or an­other, find it a tad tricky – Ge­orge Michael and Grant McCann are thought to have al­ready placed or­ders.

Hapi­fork is a new app from a French com­pany which tells you if you are eat­ing your food too quickly and mon­i­tors your calo­rie in­take. Again, be care­ful with the spell­ing on this par­tic­u­lar prod­uct when search­ing on­line.

Per­haps the most in­ter­est­ing new gad­get though is Sony’s new bath­phone – that’s bath phone, not bat phone.

This al­lows you to take the phone in the shower, in the pool and in the Cathe­dral Square foun­tains, should they be on at all this sum­mer.

I am sure it will only be a mat­ter of time be­fore the eight- year- old com­puter ex­pert in our house is un­der­wa­ter tex­ting and tweet­ing.

I sup­pose it will be prefer­able to the bath bub­bles we nor­mally get.

The Hapi­fork

BBC Ra­dio Cam­bridgeshire’s Break­fast Show host writes for the Peter­bor­ough Tele­graph

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