America the funny
I came across an annual list published by US newspaper the Washington Post in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. Here are some of my favourites
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (V.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Willy-nilly (Adj.), impotent.
Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.
Flatulence (N.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (N.), a rapidly receding hairline. Absolutely brilliant and, more importantly, proof that post-Trump there is still hope for America.