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The Scotsman - - Curtainup Thegallery Booknow - FRI­DAY FEEL­ING www.scots­man.com/fes­ti­val­blog

EV­ERY Fringe au­di­ence is dif­fer­ent, but over the last few years per­form­ing stand-up com­edy I’ve be­gun to iden­tify how you can pre­dict the kind of crowd you’ll get based on the day of the week.

Satur­day night crowds tend to be sold out, and there­fore full of or­gan­ised peo­ple who have booked ahead. They’ve also paid full price and have high ex­pec­ta­tions. They might be slow to warm up but usu­ally end up re­ally good fun. Sun­day crowds are a lot more chilled­out, laid-back and re­laxed, al­though if you’re not care­ful this can slide into a lack of en­ergy.

Mon­day, Tues­day and Wed­nes­day crowds tend to be a mix­ture of com­mit­ted Fringe go­ers with a smat­ter­ing of peo­ple who picked up a flyer that day and de­cided to take a chance. Num­bers vary but they are of­ten the most en­joy­able gigs to play. Thurs­day crowds tend to be good fun. Af­ter all, the week is nearly over, peo­ple are in a good mood but no one is too drunk.

And then we come to Fri­day crowds. Last year I had a bril­liant time in Ed­in­burgh, but I had a few weird au­di­ences. And they all came on Fri­days. On Fri­days you get the sense that some peo­ple started drink­ing at lunchtime and have car­ried on re­lent­lessly un­til stum­bling barely con­scious into your show. And that’s if you’re on in the af­ter­noon. If you’re on later it’s even worse. The like­li­hood of heck­ling, shout­ing and puk­ing is mas­sively in­creased on a Fri­day. And if it’s also a full moon then you know you’re re­ally in trou­ble.

Last year I had var­i­ous bizarre in­ci­dents on Fri­days. One man got up to go for a wee dur­ing my show, then de­cided that an ex­cel­lent place to do it would be be­hind the cur­tain at the back of the stage. An­other man was so drunk that he started throw­ing things at me, in­clud­ing a foot­ball. I caught it, opened the door to the venue and told him to “fetch!” Sadly he didn’t.

And then on the fi­nal Fri­day of the Fringe my par­ents came to my show for the first time, and ended up see­ing me hav­ing to deal with the fact that half of the au­di­ence was in fancy dress and ev­ery­one was rat-ar­sed. They were very proud. And scared.

So if you ever go to a com­edy show on a Fri­day be aware that you’re likely to be part of the strangest au­di­ence the co­me­dian has had all week. You’ll prob­a­bly have a great time but you might not re­mem­ber it in the morn­ing. And don’t bring a foot­ball.

● Matt Green in Bleed­ing Funny is at the Plea­sance Court­yard, 8:15pm, un­til to­mor­row.

PORN DASHED

SARAH-LOUISE YOUNG NOT for the first time to­day I have been mis­taken for a porn star: it’s largely down to shar­ing a name with Bri­tain’s most suc­cess­ful adult ex­port, Sarah Louise Young (drop the hyphen and Google and you en­ter an ex­plo­sion of on­line con­tent fea­tur­ing such sem­i­nal works as Even Hitler Had A Girl­friend).

It is also due to the ti­tle of my new show, Cabaret Whore

En­core! which I am per­form­ing at the Fringe af­ter last year’s suc­cess with Cabaret Whore, This show won an award, toured Aus­tralia and ended up at the Soho The­atre, London.

Any­way, it is prov­ing a bit tricky as a lot of jour­nal­ists with overzeal­ous spam fil­ters are mis­tak­ing my press re­leases for of­fers of pe­nis en­large­ments. This is my eighth year on the Fringe and I am used to pro­duc­ing my own work but next year I may need to pick a more in­no­cent ti­tle.

Fea­tur­ing char­ac­ter com­edy and ten orig­i­nal songs the show isn’t ex­actly X-rated, but I wouldn’t ad­vise that chil­dren at­tend. There’s a drug-fu­elled Broad­way diva, an EU-funded per­for­mance artiste, a God­both­er­ing Aus­tralian and a knife-wield­ing French­woman all fight­ing it out on stage.

So if you are search­ing the web, don’t for­get the hyphen – and if you stum­ble across some dodgy erotic writ­ing, or “Clit­er­a­ture” from a few years back, please for­give me: I was a poverty-stricken stu­dent and I thought no­body would no­tice…

Sarah-Louise Young (not Sarah Louise Young) per­forms her show Cabaret Whore En­core! at Laugh­ing Horse @ the Three Sis­ters, 6:15pm, un­til 29 Au­gust. She is also ap­pear­ing in Vive Le

Cabaret at Plea­sance at Ghillie Duhu, tonight un­til Mon­day, 9:30pm, and Show­stop­per! The Im­pro­vised Mu­si­cal at Gilded Bal­loon Te­viot, 10:50pm, un­til 30 Au­gust.

Sarah-Louise Young may share her name with a porn star but her Cabaret Whore is not x-rated

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