FEELING
Iwas nervous. I could feel my cheeks glowing and I tried to cool them down with the backs of my hands, but to little effect. As I walked slowly towards the door, I rehearsed what I was going to say. My manager, Virginia, had also become my friend over the last year and I didn’t want to disappoint her.
Virginia was sitting at her desk, busy with papers, computer, schedules and timetables. “Take a seat, Miriam. How are you?” she asked cheerfully, “What can I do for you?”
I lifted a folder off the chair on the other side of her desk in order to sit down. “Good, thank you.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Gin,” I began, “but I’d like to resign.” I waited a second before I continued. “I like the school and all, but I am ready for something else.”
Then I smiled, because I had reached the end of the lines I’d practised in my head.
At first Virginia looked slightly amused, then I saw a little surprise in her eyes. “Why?” she asked. “Have you got another job?”
“Oh, no,” I replied. “I’d like to live in the wilderness.”
Virginia raised her eyebrows.
“The bush, nature, way up in the mountains,” I added.
Her mouth fell open. “Really? But... why?” she asked. “Well, it’s just that the wilderness makes me feel alive,” I offered.
Virginia still looked a little perplexed. “I would like to try it, to see if I can survive, to see if it transforms my mind and my body,” I said.
“I see... but, will you still come out to town sometimes, do you think?” I could see Virginia trying to make sense of what I was telling her.
“Well, our plan is to go into the mountains for three months at a time, then we will come out to restock our supplies before returning to find another place in the wilderness,” I explained. “We are going to do this for four seasons – one year.”
“But how will you shower?” she asked suddenly.
Shower? I thought. It took me a split-second to digest this unexpected question. “Well, I’ll just wash in the river!” I blurted out.
“Even in the middle of winter?” A flash of disbelief crossed Virginia’s face.
I couldn’t help myself: I laughed, and shortly afterwards Virginia laughed too. A rush of excitement filled me: this was really happening. I was about to embark on a great adventure.
“We’ll certainly miss you, Miriam,” she said. “That’s very nice of you to say, Gin.” I smiled at her.
“I mean it. But I have to admit living in the wilderness still seems a strange choice to make,’ she said honestly. “I mean, you’ve had offers to work as a teacher, become an athlete or even a musician. How come a pretty young woman like you would choose to live in poverty and isolation in the mountains?” Her big brown eyes looked puzzled.
“So... you’re not rejected by society,” she continued, “but you still choose to walk away from it. Even though, so to speak, you have a beautiful table laid out for you with an abundance of food, you’re leaving the house – quite literally.”
“I guess some part of me finds it all meaningless.” I looked at her apologetically.
Virginia took a thoughtful sip of her soft drink. “What do you mean by that?”
“Working your life away for money or status, fighting your way up the social ladder, buying more things that you don’t really need... All of that.”
“And freezing in the mountains is a better option?” Virginia’s eyes sparkled.
“Maybe not,” I replied, laughing. “But I’ll give it a try!”
After a brief pause, I added, “I remember one particular night when I was about 16, I looked out of my window into the dark forest.
As I did, I thought about how, once upon a time, our ancestors lived in those great forests, slept on the ground next to their animals. Now we are so reliant on living in houses, surrounded by comforts. What an enormous change.”
“Mmm, yes.” Virginia took another sip. “So, do you feel humans have lost touch with the earth, then?”
“Well, don’t you? Reconnecting with Mother Earth sounds a bit new-agey,” I pointed at the mountains through the window, “but out there is a different world, Gin.”
She turned round to look at the faint shapes in the distance.
“The timeless beauty is just astonishing,” I said shyly. “I want to try living without any barrier between the naked earth and myself. Cooking on fires, drinking pure water, sleeping on the ground...the wilderness might be able to teach us something, if we have time to listen.”
I waited for Virginia’s response to this outlandish statement.
She simply raised her eyebrows and nodded. Then her face lit up. “Hey, you’ll also learn all the survival skills for when the pandemic comes and everybody heads for the
“I guess some part of me finds it all meaningless”