Maggie’s advice on son’s exgirlfriend
My older son has just dumped his girlfriend and my wife is devastated by it.
The girl has been part of our family for a number of years and we’d always thought they’d tie the knot and she’d become our daughter-in-law.
My son has started going out with someone new and so the ex-girlfriend has cut all ties with us as a family. She has unfollowed us on social media and hasn’t responded to my wife’s texts.
My wife is heartbroken because she was close to her and she feels bad for her. However, I think she wants to write to the girl to make an effort to stay in touch and I’m not sure whether that’s the right thing to do.
This is a very tricky situation. I can perfectly understand how hurt your wife feels because someone she looked upon almost as ‘family’ is now no longer part of your lives.
The truth is your son has made his decision and as parents you have to respect that – whether you like it or not. No doubt his ex-girlfriend is deeply hurt and to protect herself emotionally, she needs to break contact with your family for now. This may not last forever. Time can heal and eventually, if there is a real bond of friendship between her and your wife, they may be able to stay in touch – but it’s too soon.
There’s also a risk your son might feel betrayed if his mother was meeting his ex-girlfriend regularly. I suggest that you advise your wife to stay out of the situation and let things take their course. Maybe at Christmas she can send a card with a warm, friendly message to the girl who has been part of your family for such a long time.
As parents we must understand that our first loyalty lies with our sons and daughters and we cannot interfere in the decisions and choices they make as adults.
Some day, your son’s new girlfriend might become your daughter-in-law. What could be worse for her than to know his parents look upon her as second best?
Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries