THE BEST OF PET TALES
Readers’ stories are compiled in a new book, says Life editor Anne Cuthbertson
The Honourable Hannah
Many years ago on the occasion of her visit to Jersey, the late Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother had lunch with us and afterwards consented to a photograph in the garden. Jemima, now mature, was allowed in the
Stories of everyday domestic pets were never deemed important enough to be told in print. A dog, cat or chicken had to perform a headline-grabbing feat – or be owned by a celebrity hat designer – to make the papers. There were pet health columns and problem pages, but no tales of lovable rogues, great survivors, hunters and gatherers, timid souls or dearly departed friends. With this in mind, the Life section launched the Pet Tales column in 2010: a light, affectionate column to reveal the foibles, funny turns and unbridled joy of pets. And who better to write the column than our readers. We have received more than a thousand readers’ entries to date and this week we welcome the publication of Charmers and Rogues, the first edited compilation of Pet Tales. With a foreword by presenter and Sunday Telegraph columnist Ben Fogle, it is a pick of the best 90 stories. The editing of Pet Tales has always been kept to a minimum because these are stories from the heart, and beautifully written. Below, are a few of our favourites, with the chapter headings under which they appear. I would like to take the opportunity to thank the readers of Life for their entries and for the pleasure their stories have given. Keep sending them in.
LOVABLE ROGUES
Billy Bob, puppy preschool failure Having been a stoutly cats-only family, the hurricane-like arrival of Billy Bob, the golden cocker spaniel, came a as a collective shock. Evidence of Billy Bob’s capacity to deploy “shock and awe” tactics without warning came on his first day at “puppy preschool”. A dozen pups of varying shapes and sizes fidgeted as owners sat in a semicircle trying in vain to exert a modicum of control. Billy Bob appeared to be above it all and adopted a strangely passive, seated Buddha pose. He then ruined it by rugby tackling the paddling pool in the centre, noisily depositing the contents of his bladder into it. He failed preschool but did receive a certificate, albeit without a schedule of training events. Gordon McDowall photo, while the two young labradors were shut in the house. Or so we thought. As we stood ready in front of the camera, out from the house rushed Hannah, who seated herself adoringly at the Queen Mother’s feet. Then, at the very moment the shutter clicked, Hannah landed a very wet and loving kiss on the Queen Mother’s right hand. Before I could do anything to repair the damage, the Queen Mother bent over and wiped her hand on Hannah’s head. “Thank you, dear,” she said, “but do you mind having it back?” Sir Peter Whiteley
ESCAPE ARTISTS
Madcap Martha One evening our kitten Martha failed to appear for supper and, putting my ear to the floor, I could hear a faint mewing. Every two hours I called, in the hope she would come out. In the morning, we rang the fire brigade. Six strong firemen appeared, to the surprise of the neighbours, with saws and crowbars.Their heat-seeking camera found Martha between the bathroom and a bedroom. Out came the furniture, up came the carpet and a hole was cut in the floorboards, but there was a joist between her and the hole. Then a shout: “She’s gone!” No image on the camera. There is a void behind the lavatory, which goes through to the room below. We rushed downstairs, and there was an image on the camera. Minutes later, with careful use of a small saw, there she was, curled around the soil pipe. Sheila Bradbury Inca “Inca was my shadow: loyal, funny, naughty and loving. She brought light and laughter to my life. Despite my long absences over the years, she was always there. Tail wagging, happy to see me. Never upset, annoyed or angry. When her tired body finally failed, I lay on the floor and wept uncontrollably into her thick fur.” Ben Fogle
GREAT SURVIVORS
Henri the duck Henri (she should have been called Henrietta we later discovered) was saved from certain death when we bought her at a Brittany market while on holiday. When we had all the legal documents for her international travel, we escorted her home by ferry to England. She hated the other ducks we introduced to her for company (and who had to live elsewhere). She bossed the dogs around, and even the horses if they were in the same field. She tolerated human company, and if she felt particularly affectionate she would jump on your back and allow herself to be carried back to barracks for the night. She ruled the household for nine years until she succumbed to pneumonia. She never laid an egg, tried to fly or consort with a drake. Henri was a wonderful duck, and to this day is sorely missed. Katy Fletcher
PET THERAPISTS
Dexter, cocker spaniel We all now realise why Dexter came into our lives. In those first days of grief and shock, he gave us routine. We felt like shutting ourselves away, but we had to walk him and face people. Whenever anyone visited to offer their condolences, he broke down any awkwardness. People would be struggling to find words of comfort and the ice would be broken by a spaniel humping their leg! He would sneak upstairs but, poignantly, would not enter my daughter’s bedroom – just lie outside her open door. Two years later, and he accompanies us to our nearby churchyard every day and sits quietly by her grave. Gillian McGrath Rosie, chocolate lab, comforter We are bonded by the difficult times in our lives. Hers was being abandoned as a puppy and left on the streets as a stray, and mine coping with a husband serving in three wars: Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya. In eight years of marriage, we have spent many months apart, and it is Rosie’s friendship that helps to fill the void of his absence. When I am upset, she rests her head on my knee to tell me I am
not alone. When I anxiously watch the news, she does too, ears pricked to the sounds of gunshots. In 2003, when a Tornado GR4 was shot down by a patriot missile and I didn’t know if it was my husband or not, she never left my side. Susie Buchanan
PAMPERED CHARMERS
Marmaduke, surf dude Marmaduke is a very sociable cat, and loves nothing better than joining in. Three months after he moved in we held a house-warming party. How would he cope? When we tracked him down in the middle of the party he was on the lawn, between two of our friends, wearing my sunhat. Cornwall is his favourite destination as we stay by the sea, so he can go rock-pooling, eat fish and chips and indulge his passion for surfing. You think we’re joking. Janette Dollamore
ODD COUPLES AND DEVOTED PAIRINGS
Bess and Frank, old married couple Did we realise what having a Spinone entailed? The answers were yes, yes and yes. We arranged a meeting point. A car pulled up, and out stepped the most handsome, enormous hulk called Frank. He has filled our lives with his gentle nature, and loves company. And Bess? Well, she took his toys, took his food and slept in his bed. But Frank let her, and moved his bed to be near. Then Frank developed a nasty ear infection. Eventually, he had to have both ear canals removed. He was left deaf, with a facial paralysis, and has had to adjust to a world of signs and vibrations. Bess has come to the rescue. She is Frank’s ears, and they are inseparable. With her help, Frank functions fine, and barks for her if she is ever out of sight. Anne Evans
TIMID SOULS
Mr Darcy, cockerel, ladies man He arrived with aplomb. Young, beautiful and magnificent, he strutted around our garden with suspicion, wondering if it would compare favourably with his previous home, as his black, brown and white feathers glistened in the sunshine. Dorothy, Doris, Dusty and Daphne watched from under the rosemary bush as he pecked and scratched as real men do. At last, he spied the ladies. He seemed to quiver, as if unsure that he could deal with the advancing army of liberated, self-sufficient females approaching purposefully. Dorothy, the head in the pecking order, made the first move by flying towards him in what appeared to be an attack. The others followed. Having heard how demanding a cockerel could be, we feared feathers would be flying. However, Mr Darcy allowed a respectable week or two before expressing his manhood, which from that moment on he did non-stop – and with gusto. Liz Lee
JOY GIVERS
Tina, the bear I have had many wonderful dogs, but Tina the bear was quite exceptional. Likes: Honey, beer, baths Dislikes: Thunderstorms Finest Hour: Destroying the fridge Sir Peter Whiteley BUY ONLINE ‘Charmers and Rogues: Extraordinary Pet Tales from Ordinary Homes’ (Constable Robinson), edited by Anne Cuthbertson, is available from Telegraph Books Direct for £12.99. To order go to books. telegraph.co.uk or call 0844 8711514