She is the Dancing Queen
“I can’t say that I’ve heard of a person called Gary Neville.”
Although Daphne Arbour, the Head of the Poppleton School of Terpsichorean and Dramatic Art, is clearly unacquainted with Manchester United’s former defender, she has rushed to declare her “total support” for Mr Neville and the group of other footballers who have created a new institution of higher education: University Academy ’92.
Ms Arbour, who took time off from her Monday morning Mime and Movement class to speak to our reporter Keith Ponting (30), denounced those “higher education snobs” who claimed that allowing Mr Neville’s academy to use the name university simply because it enjoyed a loose connection with Lancaster University was undermining the “university title”.
What, asked Ms Arbour, was so special about that title? “Thanks to the excellent work carried out by the courageous minister for higher education, Mr Jo Johnson, it is difficult to see how any development whatsoever could further undermine the status of British universities.”
Ponting wondered if her reaction to the Gary Neville University Academy was in any way prompted by the recent failure of her own college to
acquire university status?
“Not at all. Although it certainly made me wonder if I might have been wise to have stressed my own footballing connection in the application.”
“And the nature of that connection?”
“I seem to recall that a very heavy Premier League striker with pronounced freckles once sat on my knee during the days when my specialist dancing was of the ‘lap’ variety.”