Frays tip­ping, face lift­ing and Ky­oto pro­to­cols

Uxbridge Gazette - - OPINION -

WALK­ING by the River Frays I saw a su­per­mar­ket trol­ley lurk­ing in the wa­ter. A sec­ond cart was perched on dry land, pre­sum­ably wait­ing to be tipped in the river or taken back to Tesco. Iron­i­cally, it was now serv­ing as a bin.

Half full of rub­bish, it had clearly been used by peo­ple keen not to al­low the area to be pol­luted by tis­sues, crisp pack­ets, coke cans, and other un­savoury ob­jects.

If only the id­iots who aban­don trol­lies on river banks or shove them in the wa­ter felt the same way and would stop lit­ter­ing our rivers.

Who are these trol­ley thieves? You never see any­one wheel­ing trol­lies in the di­rec­tion of the river, or hear one splash­ing into the wa­ter. Are there grem­lins who only op­er­ate af­ter dark? Talk about go­ing to hell in a hand­cart.

I cheered up when I reached Uxbridge Li­brary and dis­cov­ered they were hav­ing a sale of old stock. Root­ing through a huge va­ri­ety of hard cov­ers and pa­per­backs, I chose a Stephen King block­buster for *FJ, and cou­ple of books on pho­tog­ra­phy for *SiL. For my­self I picked Deb­o­rah Mog­gach’s In the Dark, set in WW1.

She is the au­thor of the book that in­spired the Best Ex­otic Marigold Ho­tel films where a col­lec­tion of oldies, in­clud­ing na­tional trea­sures Mag­gie Smith and Judi Dench, ex­per­i­mented with liv­ing in In­dia.

The scripts were writ­ten by Ol Parker, who has also been ap­pointed as scriptwriter/di­rec­tor for Find­ing Tip­per­ary Mary, the book I worked on with au­thor Phyl­lis Whit­sell. Films are a long and com­pli­cated busi­ness… but fin­gers crossed it will all come to fruition!

Last month Mr F and I watched the Marigold Ho­tel spin-off pro­grammes on TV; this time the oldies vis­ited the USA and Ja­pan.

You may be re­lieved – or dis­ap­pointed – to hear that Mr F and I will not be head­ing for any of these coun­tries to spend our dotage. Hav­ing no de­sire to have ten facelifts I don’t think I’d qual­ify for the Amer­i­can com­mu­nity in Florida. I would en­joy Ky­oto in Ja­pan for its many veg­e­tar­i­an­friendly restau­rants but Mr F would miss his an­i­mal-based dishes, and I think we’d both soon get very tired of bow­ing.

Any­way we’d miss Eng­land for its cold win­ters and trol­ley lit­tered rivers. No se­ri­ously we would. It’s home. *FJ=Fisher Ju­nior SiL = Son in Law

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