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just done a fart that sounded just like a medi­um­sized mo­tor­bike start­ing up and ac­cel­er­at­ing away. Can any of your read­ers top that? Mark Proc­ter, Burn­ley

We’re as­sum­ing that by ‘medi­um­sized,’ Mr Proc­ter means around 150-350cc. Per­haps you’ve done a more pow­er­ful fart that made a noise like a Royal En­field 500 or a Har­ley David­son Street 750. Or per­haps, be­fore it shut, you had a curry at the Curry Cap­i­tal, Bigg Mar­ket, New­cas­tle upon Tyne and made a noise like a 1200cc Vic­tory Oc­tane.

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