PORN TO BE QUEEN

Ship­ley driv­ing in­struc­tor re­veals sor­did X-rated past of Harry’s bride to be!

VIZ - - News -

DE­SPITE the squeaky clean im­age that royal fi­ancee Meghan Markle has been so keen to pro­mote, a West York­shire driv­ing in­struc­tor says he has cast iron proof that she once starred in a hard­core porno­graphic movie. And now 58-year-old CLIFTON RAD­FORD is in­volved in a race against time to pro­duce the ev­i­dence that he claims will pre­vent Harry from mak­ing the big­gest mis­take of his life. Rad­ford, who has a col­lec­tion of more than 10,000 erotic videos and DVDs stored in the at­tic of his Ship­ley home, told us: “If they get mar­ried and then this ex­plicit footage comes to light, God knows what dam­age could be done to the Bri­tish monar­chy.”

“When Harry and Meghan ap­peared on the news to an­nounce their en­gage­ment, I knew I had seen her be­fore,” he said. “Then it came to me; I recog­nised her from one of the mucky vids in my col­lec­tion.”

“This bongo flick will lead to the big­gest con­sti­tu­tional cri­sis this coun­try has ever faced.”

“I must have last watched it fif­teen years ago or more; a petite woman with long dark hair, get­ting gang­banged off eight men in the back of a Win­nebago. It was def­i­nitely her. Def­i­nitely. She must of made the film when she was a strug­gling ac­tress.”

“I re­mem­ber, it par­tic­u­larly caught my at­ten­tion at the time, be­cause it was the first time I’d ever seen a DVDA dou­ble spitroast with down­hill

ski­ing,” he con­tin­ued. Now Rad­ford has vowed to search through his en­tire li­brary of erot­ica to find the elu­sive hard­core se­quence. He told us: “I’ve got less than six months to sift through more than thirty thou­sand hours of scud, look­ing for a five-minute clip. That’s a big ask.”

“I’ll have to ap­proach the task sys­tem­at­i­cally, fast for­ward­ing through any­thing les­bianny, any­thing with blondes, or any­thing with fewer than eight blokes.”

But Clifton’s marathon quest has hit hit an un­ex­pected hitch early on. He told us: “I’ve got most of my films in boxes up in the loft, but I’ve put quite a lot of weight on just lately and I can’t get through the hatch.”

POK­ING GUN: Video will prove Markle had seedy past.

MEGHAN WHOOPEE: Markle took part in saucy ni­ne­some.

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