APRIL FOOLS’ DAYS

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ALL love April Fools’ Day, and celebri­ties with the word ‘Day’ in their sur­name are no dif­fer­ent. In fact, if any­thing, they prob­a­bly love it more than the rest of us. That’s why we rounded up our four favourite A-List Days and asked them to tell us ex­actly how THEY spend the wack­i­est 24 hours of the year.

DAR­REN DAY, for­mer se­rial love rat

BACK when I was a se­rial love rat, I never paid much at­ten­tion to April Fools’ Day, be­cause I was usu­ally still knack­ered from Valen­tine’s. But now that I’ve changed my ways, I’d ab­so­lutely love to be on the re­ceiv­ing end of a light-hearted April prank. The prob­lem is, since I ap­peared on I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! it’s very dif­fi­cult for peo­ple to em­bar­rass me, be­cause I’ve al­ready made such a twat of my­self on na­tional TV. So un­til some­one comes up with some­thing more hu­mil­i­at­ing than mak­ing me eat a kangaroo’s cock or swim about in os­trich shit, I’m afraid you’re bet­ter off con­tact­ing an­other A-List ‘Day’ for their April Fools’ mem­o­ries. Not David Van Day, though, be­cause he was also on I’m A Celeb, so he’ll be fuck all use, too.

DORIS DAY, big screen bomb­shell

I LOVE April Fools’ Day, me. I re­mem­ber back in the fifties, I was work­ing with Frank Si­na­tra on some movie or other, and come April 1st, I snuck into his bath­room when he was out and re­placed his piles cream with chilli paste. Well, you should have heard the noise from the poor twat’s trailer. Ol’ Blue Eyes? Ol’ Red Arse was more like it! Ev­ery­one fell about laugh­ing when I told them what I’d done - al­though we did have to de­lay film­ing for two months be­cause Frank’s rup­tured anus be­came se­verely in­fected by fae­cal bac­te­ria. Still, though, it was an ab­so­lute hoot.

KEVIN DAY, sort of co­me­dian

I EARN my crust as a sort of co­me­dian, so as you can imag­ine, I de­test April Fools’ day, be­cause it’s one day that ev­ery­one else thinks they’re a sort of co­me­dian, too. I usu­ally spend the en­tire 24 hours holed up sulk­ily at home, ig­nor­ing the phone, not read­ing the pa­pers or watch­ing the telly, un­til the clock strikes mid­night. Then I can return to sort of com­edy safe in the knowl­edge that the am­a­teurs have left it to the pros for an­other year.

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, fa­mous ac­tor

LAST April 1st, my brother-in-law stretched cling­film over our toi­let bowl, caus­ing me to piss all up my trousers. He im­me­di­ately ran into the bath­room, pleased as punch, and branded me an ‘April Fool’. Now, as a method ac­tor, I take be­ing cast in any role very se­ri­ously, so I spent the next six months im­mers­ing my­self en­tirely in the part of the ‘fool’ - per­form­ing var­i­ous de­grad­ing acts of buf­foon­ery in a red jump­suit with bells on, or sit­ting in a cor­ner all boss-eyed in a Dunce’s hat. I’m plan­ning to get my brother-in-law back this April by stick­ing his tooth­brush up my arse when he’s not look­ing.

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