3. CROWD CONTROL
HRH PRINCE ONCE CHARLES inside the bank, a heist team’s biggest challenge is dealing with the unpredictability of the general public. In the heat of the moment, an innocent bystander can often see a robbery as their big chance to play the hero. For that reason, one member of the team must be assigned to ‘Crowd Control’ - keeping the terrified customers calm and subdued while his team goes to work. And on Terry’s team, crowd control would be the responsibility of HRH PRINCE CHARLES.
“The Prince of Wales has spent the best part of his adult life humouring the great unwashed. So keeping a small crowd of plebs entertained for half an hour should be a piece of cake for him. The first task of the Crowd Control man is to leap on a desk, blast three sawn-off shotgun shells into the ceiling and shout: ‘Everybody down! This is a robbery!’ at the top of his voice. Many people get stagefright and clam up when they are suddenly called upon to address an audience, but for a seasoned public speaker like Charles, this would be a veritable walk in the park.
Once the caper is in progress, the Prince would keep the cowering cus- tomers occupied by asking them oneby-one where they come from and what they do for a living and how long they’ve been doing that, while pushing the shotgun barrel into their mouths and expertly feigning interest in their responses.
The only downside to having the Prince on the team is that he is unable to open doors for himself, so he would have to bring a footman or butler with him to open the doors of the bank and the getaway car. This means another hand to take a share of the proceeds, and potentially another grass to turn Queens and sing like a fucking canary.